EXT. ABANDONED PRISON Ė 10:43PM
It is a dark and stormy night. A gust of wind
blows harshly as Mulder and Krycek step into frame. They are drenched
as they walk over to the barbed wire fence. They stop in front of
it and look up.
Take off your leather jacket.
So we can throw it over
the barbed wire.
No. Use your jacket.
Krycek glares at him. Whatís this about?
Nope. No can do, buddy.
Mulder dramatically looks at Krycek. He is very,
Because itís the Awesome Leather Jacket.
There is a bright flash of lightening and a
threatening crack of thunder as Mulder stares Krycek down.
Yeah, but my jacket is
the Sexy Leather Jacket.
Mulder leans towards Krycek and yells:
If youíre trying to scare
me, its not working.
Mulder juts out his lower lip and pouts.
Ok. I guess we can dig under
the fence and do the prairie dog thing.
Maybe being wet and muddy
will make Marita want me.
She already wants you anyway,
Alex. Sheís just waiting for
you to grow up so she can be with a man.
How do you know? (beat) Wait! I am a man!
Mulder rolls his eyes and drops to his knees
and begins using his hand to dig into the muddy earth.
Itís obvious in the way itís
obvious Skinman is still in
love with Scully.
Krycek joins his friend on the ground.
Oh. So what do you think of
Walt and Scully? Think theyíll
I hope so. I always wished that I
could have been the Maid of Honor
at their wedding. Scully promised
me once that I could wear a pretty pink dress.
Krycek scrunches up his face.
What are you? A transvestite?
No. I just like being silly.
I swear if I ever catch you wearing
Dianaís clothes, Iíll bet you to a pulp.
I donít like orange juice with pulp.
It makes me think of caviar.
I like caviar, especially from Russia.
Thatís because youíre Swedish.
Krycek rolls his eyes. Mulder continues
digging more and more frantically. Wet mud begins splashing up onto
Mud splat! Mud splat! Mud splat!
Krycek wipes the wet mud from his face.
Iím not Swedish. Iím Australian.
I used to live in Vienna.
(he knows better)
Vienna is in Australia? I doubt that.
Thatís right. Iím like the Govinator
Arnold Schwarzenegger. (beat) Iím buff.
No. Frohike is buff. Now get
your Aussie arse down here and Ė
-and help me dig under the fence.
I need to get in and see the ghost
of Charles Manson...
Krycek cocks an eyebrow. Charles Manson is still
alive. He wonders why Mulder is saying this. What ďtrickĒ is up his
Ooh... I wonder what will happen.
Actually, I read that Charles Manson is
a nice guy, though not a guy who can
function normally outside of a controlled environment.
Yep. Youíve been reading my books?
Yes. I figured I should get some
kind of criminalistic education and
I donít want to go back to school so...
Mulder rolls his eyes. Krycek has stopped helping
him dig. Now he just wants to talk and let Mulder do all the work.
Unless you want me to use your
jacket to break this fence, I
suggest you help me dig in the mud.
This reminds me of the time
we were in Russia.
I donít think weíll be chased
by horses this time around though.
The boys continue digging in the mud until
their hole is big enough for them to crawl through. Mulder crawls
Why do you always make me crawl
through rabbit holes first?
You just want to look at my butt, donít you?
Krycek crawls through their hole. He stands
up and rests his hands on his hips.
So this is Alcatraz, huh?
Scary, isnít it?
So are we gonna venture further,
or do you want to go home and
curl up and cry?
Krycek sniffles, he is scared. Haunted prisons
had never seemed scary before, not until he stood in the rain soaked
ground of the most famous maximum security prison of all... Alcatraz.
Mulder gives Krycek a look. Is he crying?
How do we know we havenít already
been cursed just by rowing out
to this island?
I just wanna go back to the beach
to be with the California girls...
I hope security doesnít find us.
That would be bad.
Mulder suddenly wraps his arms around Krycek,
pretending to be scared.
INT. ALVIN KERSHíS OFFICE Ė 10:50PM
Kersh is at his desk popping in graphic designs
into plastic buttons. Heís in his work clothes and doesnít seem to
be thinking of heading home to his wife and kids anytime soon. A red
light blinks on his phone, indicating a new message.
The door to his office opens and Skinner enters.
Sir, thereís a problem.
Behind Skinner, Doggett and Brad enter
the office. Kersh looks up and grins at them.
Gentlemen, itís a pleasure
seeing you here. Have a seat, please.
All three take a seat in front of Kershís
I found Agent Doggett tied up to
a chair in the custodial closet
in the basement.
Kersh looks over at Doggett, who does not
look happy. Kersh canít help but smirk.
Tied up? You? Thatís kind of funny.
Yeah, just a little bit.
The two grown men chuckle. Doggett glares at
Excuse me, sir?
Kersh stops laughing and looks in his direction.
This is serious.
Yes. (coughs) It is.
The phone in the office rings. The room falls
silent as Kersh ignores the ringing. He twittles his thumbs.
The phone rings again.
Skinner, Doggett and Brad share a look. Why
wonít Kersh answer his phone?
Sir, are you going to get-
The phone rings again, and the voice mail picks
Alvin, this is your wife, Linda. How many
times do I have to call before you pick up?
(beat; angry) Stop making those God damned buttons!
Come home. Know your children. (beat) Donít make
me call a divorce lawyer!
Kershís eyes go wide.
Hold on guys. I gotta answer
to the wife! Oh no!
Kersh picks up his phone and pleads with his
wife to forgive him.
Skinner leans over to whisper to Doggett.
Maybe if Al gets a divorce, you
and I could start the Divorced
Mans Club. Youíre divorced, Iím
divorced. Two people are all we
need. We can create the club anyway.
Brad rolls his eyes, having overheard Skinnerís
Sir, when was the last time you
had your head examined?
Oh! You think Rogain is working?
Skinner lowers his head and pats his bald head.
NO! LINDA! NO!
Kersh slams his head down on his desk and hangs
up his phone.
Sir, is everything all right?
(lifts his head)
Whatís the problem?
Agents Mulder and Krycek
have gone missing.
They ambushed me and tied
me up to prevent me from
reporting their inappropriate behaviour.
I canít deal with tweedle-dee
and tweedle-dum on top of my
Kersh stands up and turns off the lamp on his
You and Skinner bring in Fox
and Alex. I trust you two can to this.
Why Skinner? Iím their superior.
Because while heís doing this, youíll
be covering his work in CID.
Brad sighs. He knows Skinner hasnít been
keeping up with all the paperwork that goes into heading the Criminal
Kersh leaves his office. Skinner looks to Doggett
Looks like you and I will be
handling this missing persons case.
Theyíre not missing persons. Theyíve
purposely ran off for their own entertainment.
Do you know where they went?
No, but I can call Agent Fowley
to see if she knows anything.
Why donít we go to their apartment.
I hear Diana makes killer peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches.
Skinner turns to Brad.
Oh, and youíll probably want to
work over time tonight to get
caught up with all the paperwork.
Iíve fallen a little behind.
Skinner smiles at Brad. Brad is not amused by
They leave the office and Skinner pats Brad
on the back as he hands him his office keys.
EXT. MULDER & KRYCEKíS APARTMENT Ė 11:17PM
Doggett and Skinner stand outside apartment
42. Doggett knocks three times.
I hope itís not too late.
If she loves her husband as a wife
should, I donít think sheíll mind
us questioning her about where they
could have gone.
We could go look at all the fast
food restaurants and doughnut shops.
The boys really enjoy sugar highs.
Doggett knocks again.
The door opens. Diana is in front of them in
a short pink satin nightgown with a lacy red eye mask on her eyes.
Her hair is a mess.
Lazily, Diana removes her eye mask. She
squints her eyes.
Weíre sorry to wake you, Agent Fowley,
but your husband and Agent Krycek have run off.
We need to ask you a few questions
concerning their whereabouts.
Diana steps aside to let them in. They
go to the living room.
Dammit! The damn bird is awake.
You guys got a pet bird?!
Yeah. All it can squak is ďpeanutĒ and
that is what Fox and Alex named him.
Diana sits down on the couch. Skinner sits next
So were they talking recently about
being extremely hungry and wanting french fries?
Arenít they always?
Have they discussed feeling the
need to go on an adventure?
Fox was saying something about an
idea of holding a FBI Olympics
sometime next year.
Hmm... I bet that wouldnít
have anything to do with today.
As Skinner talks to Diana, Doggett is carefully
wandering around the apartment looking for clues as to where Mulder
and Krycek have gone. He enters the kitchen and sees a book about
haunted prisons. He picks it up and flips through the book.
Behind him, the parrot moves closer and closer
to Doggett. Doggett doesnít notice and continues to scan the passages
of the book. He turns the page and see ALCATRAZ highlighted in florescent
Doggett jumps upon hearing the loud squaking
of the parrot. He gives the bird a look as he goes back into the living
Diana, your bird is on the loose.
Peanut doesnít like his cage. We
try to put him in it and he throws
one hell of a fit.
Skinner, I think Iíve got a good
clue to where they could have gone.
What holiday is coming up
in a couple of weeks?
So what kind of adventure would
Mulder and Krycek be most likely
to get involved in?
Youíre not saying theyíre
robbing candy stores, are you?
He holds up the haunted prisons book.
I think theyíve gone
on a spook hunt.
Iím sure thatís what they believe.
I think we need to head out to San Francisco.
No need to hurry, Iím enjoying
the peace and quiet.
Doggett gives her a doubtful look.
Maybe I can take this opportunity
to get rid of Peanut.
Skinner and Doggett head toward the door.
You want us to take the
bird out and let it loose?
Iíve tried that. For some reason,
the damn thing has an attachment to
this apartment. I can only hope to
be reassigned sooner rather than later.
(beat) You two have a nice evening and
donít worry about bringing Fox and Alex
back too soon. Thanks.
She pushes Doggett and Skinner out of the apartment
and shuts the door.
INT. HALLWAY Ė CONíT
Skinner and Doggett head to the elevator.
So, Alcatraz? Why in the world wouldnít
they tell us they were going out to do
a tour of a prison?
Because Brad Follmer is their boss
now. Heís not as laid back as you.
They step into the elevator and it closes.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. ALCATRAZ Ė EMPTY CORRIDOR
Mulder is frantically running down the hall,
screaming at the top of his lungs. Heís scared shitless. Krycek is
nowhere to be seen. Mulder quickly ducks into a corner and covers
his head with his arms.
Mommy... where are you...?
Elsewhere in the darkness surrounding Mulder
there is an eerie moan and an evil laugh.
Oh my God! Manson got Alex! Manson
has now committed thirty-six murders!
And this one is from beyond...
Another terrifying laugh.
Un momento! Manson isnít dead!
EVIL MALE VOICE (O.S.)
I am the ghost of Jack The Ripper!
(suddenly not afraid)
Hey yo! Jackie! Whatís your
real name homey g-funk? I wanna
be the one to solve your case!
We pull away from Mulder and into the darkness
of the haunted hallway. We stumble upon Alex Krycek. Heís holding
his hands by his mouth to speak loudly.
(evil ghost voice)
No! I will forever be known as
Jack The Ripper. Be afraid, be very afraid!
Iím not afraid anymore. Show
yourself Jack. Iím not afraid anymore!
If you arenít afraid, Iíll
kill your sister, Samantha!
All is quiet.
Are you saying that Samantha
is working as a prostitute?
Because you only killed prostitutes.
No you silly arcade boy!
Wow, Jack. Are you psychic?
What do you mean, you maggot?
I love the arcade!
Stop playing these silly games!
Iím not playing any games, Jackie.
Stop calling me that!
Why because it speaks to your
homosexual side which you were
so afraid of so you murdered whores
because you couldnít perform with them?
Running footsteps are heard coming down
the hall, and before Mulder knows what has hit him, he is tackled
to the floor.
I so knew that would get
you to break character.
I like women!
I know! I was only profiling
Mr. Jack The Ripper.
Oh. Who do you think he really was?
I donít know, and it doesnít matter
anymore, does it? So lets get back
to our game. I get to do the evil
spirit voice this time!
They stand up and Krycek starts running frantically
down the hallway passing empty cells. Heís screaming.
Come back big bum! I am
Jeffrey Dahmer! Bwah! Ha! Ha!
Krycek yelps a scream.
Leave me alone Jeffrey! Ah!
Mulder runs off after him.
TIME CUT TO: NEXT DAY
EXT. STREET Ė SAN FRANCISCO Ė 11:00AM
Skinner and Doggett are walking uphill. They
are dressed casually. John is in a white T-shirt and jeans, and Walter
is in a blue polo shirt and tan slacks.
...Then one day Sharon came into my
office and caught Dana and I ya know...
in a very compromising position. I didnít
have time to get dressed and chased after
her. I got home and she didnít even want
to try to work things out.
Did you two have any kids?
No. Sharon wasnít interested in
having any. Neither was I for
awhile, not until I found out
Dana canít necessarily have any herself.
Dana canít have kids?
Thatís what she told me. I canít
remember exactly. It was either
she can never have them or itís
a high risk thing. I wasnít
listening that well.
Well, I can see why you two didnít last.
I was never a very good listener.
At least not after ĎNam. Dana
understood that, Sharon didnít.
So what youíre saying is that
Dana didnít mind you not listening to her?
Doggett laughs doubtfully.
Whatís so funny?
Nothing. (beat) So you and
Sharon still talk?
No. (beat) You still talk to your ex?
I have actually. Mainly whenever I find
a lead on my sonís case, but I actually
had dinner with her a couple months back.
Trying to re-ignite the flame?
Reconcile our friendship. Iím not
interested in romance at present.
Thatís too bad.
How are things going
between you and Kim?
Well, ever since I recycled Danaís
old engagement ring with her, things
havenít been going so well.
I hope you two can work things out.
Me too. (beat) Sometimes I can
be so stupid, you know? (beat) I
donít know what I was thinking.
Only an idiot would recycle an
engraved engagement ring. (beat)
Kim thinks I never wanted to be
with her and that she was just a
ďDana replacementĒ. I donít know
if sheís right or not, but I do
know that I love Kim. (beat) Too
bad I realized how much I love her
after sheís gone and not talking to me.
Skinner walks with his head down.
Maybe you guys need some time apart.
Maybe. (beat) Letís grab a bite to eat.
All right, and then we should go see
if Mulder and Krycek are at Alcatraz.
Aw... Iím sure theyíre fine. How
Ďbout we drive out to a beach and
enjoy some time in the sun before
heading back to D.C.
I donít think so. Remember the last
time you used the Bureauís money for
a vacation and took everyone to Vegas?
(scratching the back of his neck)
Yeah... I uh... and um... We
ended up married to Monica...
Yeah. Letís go.
Doggett steps toward the street to hail a cab.
INT. ALCATRAZ Ė ELECTROCUTION ROOM Ė 12:06PM
Mulder is sitting on the electric chair and
Krycek is on his lap. They are sleeping. A tour group enters the area.
Mommy! Look at the dead guys!
Their brains have been fried!
The tour guide leads the tour group out of the
room and alerts security to the two intruders.
Within moments, security enters the room and
they wake Mulder and Krycek up.
Where? What? Who? How?
Itís a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
A beautiful day in the neighborhood.
Wonít you be my neighbor?
The boys open their eyes and see the security
SECURITY GUARD 1
You two need to come with us.
I didnít do it!
Of course he did it!
He made me come!
The security guards pull Mulder and Krycek
to their feet.
Hey you canít place me under arrest!
I know my rights as a civilian!
SECURITY GUARD 2
Sir, youíre not under arrest.
I know better than to fall for
that trick! You canít repress
the truth! This prison holds
the evidence in which to condemn
the man better known as Jack The Ripper!
Heís right! Jack The Ripper is
reincarnated in his body!
Mulder points to Krycek accusingly.
SECURITY GUARD 1
Ok, thatís enough. Come with us.
Meanwhile at the main entry gate...
Skinner and Doggett flash their FBI badges at
Iím Assistant Director Walter
Skinner. We have reason to
suspect that two mentally disturbed
individuals may have broken in here
and could be hiding.
What are their names?
Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek.
In the background, a loud whining scream
can be heard.
Iím Arntzen! Not Krycek! I swear!
Skinner and Doggett look beyond the security
Thatís one of them.
They watch as Mulder is dragged out. Heís
knocked unconscious. His shoes are making squeaking noises as they
drag on the floor.
And thatís the other.
Come with me. From the looks
of it, my guys will be more
than happy to hand them over to the Feds.
They approach the security guards dealing
with Mulder and Krycek.
Iím not resisting arrest! Let me
go buddy, you donít know who you
are dealing with. I could make you
lose your petty little job.
The tone of Skinnerís voice shuts up Krycek.
Skinner turns to the other security guards.
Weíll take it from here.
He flashes his badge. The guards are more than
happy to comply. John stands by, shaking his head in disbelief.
John, Alex Ė carry Mulder out of here.
Letís grab a cab and head back to the airport.
They carry Mulder to the ferry and leave Alcatraz
Island and head back into San Francisco.
TIME CUT TO:
INT. BRAD FOLLMERíS OFFICE Ė 4:30PM
Mulder and Krycek sit in front of Brad, who
is not happy with them.
If I were in OPR, your asses
would be fired. Youíre lucky
that Skinner told them you were
mentally disturbed and saved the
Bureauís face from embarrassment.
(beat) And tying up Agent Doggett?
What the hell were you thinking?
Mulder and Krycek lower their heads in shame.
(after a beat)
If you ever pull something like
this again, youíll be fired. Do
Brad looks to Krycek.
Good. (beat) Youíre dismissed.
Mulder and Krycek quickly get out of his
office before he lectures them again.
Brad picks up his phone and dials Skinnerís
Itís Brad Follmer. (beat) Yes, theyíve
been spoken too. (long beat) Youíre welcome.
But really, keep on top of things in there
so you donít have to work triple over time.
INT. ALVIN KERSHíS HOUSE
Kersh is sitting at the dining room table. Heís
not his typical happy self. Linda is busy making dinner in the kitchen.
The sound of video games can be heard coming from the living room.
Linda, honey, are you sure
you donít want me to help
set the table?
No. You are in time out. Last
night is the last time I catch
you staying up late to make buttons.
But the buttons are a hobby-
-That interrupts the quality of
work you are responsible for.
Itís for The Brotherhood.
Linda steps out of the kitchen with a rolling
pin in her hand.
The Brotherhood? That is suppose to be
an off-the-clock organization, but
rumor has it, you spend your work time
worrying yourself about The Brotherhood.
Sorry doesnít cut it, Alvin. What
will you do when someone responsible
is put in to the Office of Professional
Iím a fun guy. Iíll befriend him.
It doesnít work that way, Alvin.
What if this guy is out to clean
house, then what? What if you lose your job?
I wonít lose my job, Linda.
Damn right! Because youíre going
to get your act together and
buckle down and work.
All goes silent. We donít even hear the
noises of video games being played in the living room.
One of Kershís sons comes into the dining room.
Heís about fifteen years old and is wearing a New York Knicks T-shirt
and baggy jeans. His name is Steven.
Dad, are you going to lose your job?
No, daddyís not going
to lose his job.
Because I just asked Christine
out and I donít want to move.
Weíre not moving anywhere, sweetheart.
Now go wash up your hands and help
your father set the table.
The phone rings and Linda answers it as
Kersh rises to his feet and walks into the kitchen to get dishes to
place on the table.
Alvin, phoneís for you.
She hands the phone to him.
Sir, itís Walter. Just calling to
let you know we found Agents Mulder and Krycek.
Thatís good. Whereíd they end up?
Alcatraz. They acted up, but Agent Doggett
and I were able to save face for the FBI.
Told security that they were mentally
disturbed. Do you want me to write up a report
for Ted up in OPR about them ambushing
Agent Doggett and locking him in a closet?
Yes. That would be the best thing to do.
All right. (beat) So, any plans for
divorce? John and I were hoping to
start The Divorced Mans Club.
No. Things are going well. Iíve
got to go now. Dinnerís ready.
Iíll see you on Monday. Bye.
Kersh hangs up the phone and helps his son set
So where are your brother and sister?
Laura went out with her
boyfriend and Michael
is over at Craigís.
Have I ment Lauraís boyfriend?
Yeah... She had him over
once for dinner.
Oh. (beat) So you asked a girl out?
Linda comes out, carrying chicken.
Al, get the mashed potatoes.
She and Steven sit down at the table. Kersh
observes her for a moment, he doesnít like to see her angry with him.
He nods his head and goes into the kitchen to get the mashed potatoes.
He re-joins his family.
So, Linda, is it all right for
me to make buttons at home?
Linda gives him a hesitant look. She really
hates his obsession with buttons.
Why donít you lay off the
buttons for a while, okay?
Kersh nods his head.
All right, honey.
He smiles at Linda, but is still a little disappointed.
He loves making his buttons. Itís his hobby. Yes, he understands that
perhaps his button making has been a bit much and that his family
needs to come first over all things.