"Fox & Rat" Virtual Series - Season Five

5x01 "Road Trip 2: Colorado Springs"Title: "Road Trip 2: Colorado Springs"
Written by: Cassie & Kristi
Date: May 6-10, 2002, June 30, 2002
Air Date: September 2, 2002
Rating: PG-13
Series: FRVS - Episode #077
Spoilers: Past episodes of FRVS may be spoiled.
Feedback: E-mail us at foxandratvs@gmail.com (please include the episode name in the subject) Thank you.
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series only!
Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS).
Author's Note: The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor. Any horrid behavior should not be mimicked in your every day life.

Summary: With a second chance at life, the gang is brought back to the moment they drove into the tornado in the Season 3 finale "Road Trip", and their adventure continues.

Previously on "Fox & Rat"... the gang had gone and got themselves killed when Krycek drove them into a tornado near Salina, Kansas. The gang wandered around aimlessly in The Afterlife and were eventually told by Death that it was not their time to die and that they would be brought back to life at the moment from which they came...



Krycek, Marita, Scully and Skinner are running from the van to hide in a muddy ditch. Running to protect themselves from the coming tornado. The wind is strong and some debris swirls around them, it is pouring rain and they are drenched and very unsuspecting of where they have been placed upon being given a second chance at life. Doggett and the stray dog he picked up are already lying in the ditch.

Suddenly everyone running stops. They have realized where they are and that they are alive... but... where is Mulder?


They turn and run back to the van. Mulder is comfortably sitting in the back of the van, he has a pained expression on his face.

(points at his ankle)
Guys... it hurts again!

Skinner slams the side door of the van shut. The tornado is approaching them. Krycek is staring out the front window bug-eyed with terror. He doesn't want to die again and here he sits, wanting to drive off. But if he did that, they would die because that is exactly what he did before. So he sits there and does nothing.

The van starts to shake and rattle, as if it's being picked up by the tornado. Could it happen again? Could they all face their death for the second time?

Everyone grabs on to the persons around them, they close their eyes and scream at the top of their lungs. The noise grows louder and louder. The wind is howling and lightning strikes nearby.


All is quiet.

The tornado is gone.

Inside the van, everyone has fainted.

Outside Doggett comes running back to them with the dog in his arms. He opens the side door to the van and sees that they have passed out. He sets the dog inside the van and lets out a sigh. That was a close one. He shuts the door to the van and goes around to the driver seat and starts the engine and drives off, to find the closest hotel he can.

Off of the van getting smaller and smaller against the background of a severe storm, we:




Yes, Doggett thought it best to drive all the way to their destination while they were passed out. That way there would be no more stupid incidents with Mulder and Krycek. Since there was no traffic, Doggett was bad and broke the law by speeding 15 miles over the speed limit and arrived in Colorado Springs at 5 am. Just enough time to find a cheap motel and to get a little over 4 and a half hours of sleep.

Doggett goes over to Krycek who is sleeping on the floor. He lightly smacks Krycek’s face to wake him up. Krycek’s eyes flutter open. He sees that Doggett is standing above him. Doggett is showered and dressed, ready to start the day.

Good morning, Krycek.

(confused/half asleep)
Huh? Am I dead? Where are we now?

Doggett stares at him blankly.

Get up. It’s time to go.

Krycek sits up and looks around the motel room. He sees that Scully and Marita are still sleeping… on the bed. That’s not fair. Mulder is sitting on a couch, eating a fruit salad. Skinner is sitting on the floor watching the news on CNN. Everyone is dressed and showered, including the girls, meaning they had been up before falling back asleep.

I better have a chance to get clean.
I haven’t showered in what seems
like over a year. (beat) Why didn’t
you wake me up first?

Believe me, we did Alex. You just
wouldn’t wake up.

Krycek stands up.


He walks to the restroom to get ready for the day.



Doggett is driving again… he does this a lot. He likes to have control of situations, even if he’s lacking sleep. Scully and Marita are in the back whispering to each other about how weird it is to be alive again. And how weird it is that they remember the Afterlife and all that they saw and how it seems Doggett has no memory of what happened.

Mulder and Krycek are in the middle seat, playing tug of war over a bag of potatoe chips. This can’t be good… the bag bursts open, Doggett gives them the stink-eye from the rear view mirror.

Up front, Skinner is talking to Doggett.

Life is good… you never really realize
what you have until you’re faced with
losing it. You know I feel I’ve been given
a second chance at life and I’m going to live
it to the fullest from here on out. I’m going to
do what it takes to be happy-

(sees Pike’s Peak out window)
Hey Muldah! Why don’t you grab
the camcorder and get a shot of
Pike’s Peak.

Mulder turns to the back seat to face Scully and Marita, a potatoe chip is hanging on his face, Marita brushes it off with the back of her hand, he gives her a boyish smile. Mulder reaches for the camcorder that is on the girl’s seat, but Krycek is a butt and grabs it before Mulder can get it.

Krycek turns it on and focuses on Scully and hits record.


Scully waves at the camcorder a sweet smile on her face.

(from behind camera)
What’s Pike’s Peak?

Scully points at the camcorder, actually beyond it and out the front window of the van. Krycek quickly pans around to the front of the van, he stops on Doggett’s face.

(demanding/to Doggett)
John. Say ‘hi’ to the camera.

Not amused, Doggett takes his eyes off the road and looks at the camera.

(dead pan)

Skinner is irritated with Krycek and how he’s not recording the mountains.

Krycek. Tape the mountain.

(being difficult)


It is jerked around as Krycek and Skinner fight over the camera. The low battery light starts flashing red and then the camera goes dead.

Cut it out you two!

They stop fighting. Skinner apologizes. The puppy beagle hops up on Krycek’s lap and snarls.

Are we there yet?

Doggett gets an annoyed look on his face… why do some of these people act like kids? Well, pretty much everyone except Scully.



This is the highest suspension bridge in the world. It’s a rather cold spring day and it looks as if they may get freezing rain or snow.

The van pulls into a parking space and everyone exits. Mulder and Krycek are ahead of everyone, skipping to the bridge, arm in arm. Skinner walks behind them with the dog.

Meanwhile, Marita and Scully look on as Doggett checks to make sure all the doors to the van are locked, even though they all know he used the automatic lock to lock them all. When he is done he notices that Scully and Marita haven’t yet joined the others. He gets nervous and runs his hand on the back of his neck.

I’ll just uh… stay and keep warm
in the gift shop with the dog…

Walter took Buddy, I mean the dog.

Scully gives Doggett a sweet look.

John, I don’t want to have to take
Marita across the Gorge by myself…
plus I may get scared it’s up so high…

Yeah… we need a man with us… a
real man, not a boy like Krycek.

They both bat their eyelids at him, making it really hard to refuse to go with them. The girls latch themselves onto his arm and lead him to the bridge.

Now what if I were to get dizzy
and fall off? Dana wouldn’t jump
off after me…

Scully and Doggett give her a weird look. Scully decides to join in, Doggett seems really nervous and looks rather darling that way. She thinks he looks as he does because he doesn’t want Marita to fly off the bridge.

And what if the wind sweeps me away?
It’s awfully windy up here…

(nervous or is it fright?)
You’re heavy enough… that won’t happen…

They take a few steps onto the bridge. Doggett’s eyes go wide as he looks around them. It really is a freakin’ high bridge.

Doggett pulls Scully and Marita closer to him, he is scared. This bridge is way too high for him.



No one is on board yet. Krycek and Mulder go on, leaving Skinner on the loading dock with the dog.

I don’t think you guys are supposed
to be on that yet.

Krycek sticks his tongue out at him. Skinner looks offended and he gets on to “beat” Krycek up. Just as he gets on , an employee steps inside, followed by a group of tourists. Skinner and Krycek decide to behave themselves.

The ride across will be about five minutes.
When we get over, you’ll have ten minutes
until the next tram comes back here. If you
miss it, you walk back. (beat) Here we go.

Skinner and Krycek look around… no Mulder.

Where did that little stink weed go?

Skinner shrugs, he doesn’t know. They look out the window, maybe he got off. They don’t see him.

SUDDENLY Mulder’s head pokes down from the top of the tram. He gives them a goofy look.

Oh my God!

He’s trying to kill himself!

The tram heads out over the Gorge. Mulder’s face turns scared. He disappears from view. Skinner and Krycek give each other a look. What the hell?!



It’s starting to snow now. Thick snow flakes hit the heads of Doggett, Scully and Marita. Doggett is clinging onto them, he’s truly terrified of heights.

(off screen)
Oh my goodness… I think someone
is on top of that arial tram!

(encouraging/ to Doggett)
John, you are doing so good.

(encouraging/ to Doggett)
You’re so brave.

We see that a few people have gathered to look over at the tram. This catches Marita and Scully’s attention. Unknowingly they let go of Doggett. He immediately freezes in place, terrified of being up high with no one to hang onto for support.

Marita and Scully go over to the edge of the bridge to see what everyone else is looking at.

(with binoculars)
This guy is nuts!

Scully gets an odd feeling…

(to man)
Give me your binoculars.

The man hands them to her. Behind them, we see Doggett still has not moved and his facial expression resembles that of a scared hamster.

(looking through binoculars)
Holy heck! It’s Mulder!


Behind them, Doggett slowly falls out of frame. He’s lowering himself to the ground and he lies flat. Stupid him, he can see through the space between the wooden planks on the bridge.

Scully and Marita turn around to see Doggett’s reaction to the current Mulder adventure.

John, you’ve got to see this-

Doggett is on his stomach, whimpering.

Oh my God, John.

Scully and Marita rush to his side. Scully touches the back of her hand to his face.

John? (beat) John can you hear me?

I-I-I c-can’t mu-mu-move…

Scully looks up at Marita. Oops, they left him alone when they shouldn’t have.

Some guy behind them is watching, with a smirk on his face. He makes a comment about how some men aren’t really men if they can’t stand being up high. His friend lightly punches his arm.

Dude. Is he okay?

He’ll be fine. Dana here is
a medical doctor.

Scully and Marita turn their attention back to Doggett, they see a tear fall down his face.

(feeling really bad)
I am so sorry. I honestly didn’t think
you had such an intense fear-

- T-t-this w-worse t-than roller coaster.

(hugs him)
Oh Johnny!

Scully and Marita help Doggett to his feet. They start to head back, and wouldn’t you know it, a blizzard has started! They can feel the bridge move because of the high winds. Doggett clings onto Scully as Marita pats his back, trying to calm him.

Doggett eyes go wide as he sees a car, slowly making its way to the other side.

If you get me off this alive,
I’ll owe you my life.

He looks to Scully, desperation in his eyes. He squeezes his eyes shut as the girls lead him safely off the bridge and toward the gift shop.


Doggett and Marita are sitting at a table. Doggett is holding her hand, perhaps he still thinks he’s on that darn bridge. Scully joins them, carrying with her hot tea, even though Doggett requested hot chocolate… more on that later. It looks like Doggett has been crying a bit.

Here. This will warm you up. (beat)
You don’t need to be so tense
anymore, it’ll only cause you to
have sore muscles tomorrow… You’re
safe now… safe on solid ground.

Mulder, Krycek, Skinner and the dog enter. They are laughing. Doggett lets go of Marita’s hand, trying to look like Mr. Tough Guy again. Skinner senses something is wrong.

John, what happened?

Scully, Marita and Doggett give Skinner a “shut up about it” look, no one wants to embarrass Doggett with Mumbo and Jumbo (Mulder and Krycek) standing right there.

Nothin’, I’m fine.

Did you guys see my neat trick?

Trick? That wasn’t a trick, it was
a stupid mistake.

Scully leaves the table and goes somewhere.

(to Krycek)
You just can’t admit that I
have a very unique talent.

A very suicidal talent.

Shut up already!

The boys take a seat at the table.

So what’s next?

Pike’s Peak?

Doggett nods his head… he still can’t put sentences together very well.

Scully comes back with a light blue t-shirt that says: “I made it across the Royal Gorge”. She hands it to Doggett.

(to Doggett)
I thought you’d like this.

She smiles at him. A slow smile crosses his face, he feels special, he feels… braver. She sits down next to him and pats his hand.



Skinner is driving now. Mulder and Krycek are sitting in the very back. Doggett and Scully in the middle and Marita is up front conducting with her fingers, to music in her head.

The wheels on the van go round and round,
all through the mountains!
The Scully in the van goes-

They don’t know what to sing…

Scully? If you were in a van, stuck
in the mountains. What would you do?

Scully turns around and attempts to say what she would do, however:

I think I know what she’d do…

He lets out a perverted chuckle and winks at her and licks his lips suggestively. Scully quickly turns around and pouts, she’s not a slut as Krycek tends to think. Doggett quickly turns to face Krycek and glares at him.

Can’t you laugh right?

I am laughing right.

Krycek laughs again, the same perverted chuckle as before.

No. That’s some sick perverted laugh.

I’m a man!

Doggett has no response to that, he turns back around. He accidentally looks out the window as they are driving close to a cliff’s edge. He unconsciously grabs Scully’s hand and looks at her with scared eyes. She holds his hand and gives him a soft smile. Poor John… he really should get over this fear of heights.

(to Skinner)
I think we need to find a place to eat lunch…



The door opens. Krycek walks in chuckling. Behind him we see Doggett carrying Scully in his arms, she looks as if she’s had some kind of medication. Scully is playing with Doggett’s hair. Behind them are Skinner and Marita, they are assisting Mulder as he limps into the room. There are bruises on his arms and his forehead.

Home. Sweet home.

It’s not funny. I could have died.

Doggett lies Scully down on the king sized bed (can fit about 4 people).

I didn’t succeed because you’re still alive.

Skinner and Marita sit Mulder on the bed as well.

Doggett is getting the sofa sleeper into it’s bed form. He’s thinking to himself about how he can’t believe an innocent trip to Colorado has ended up as it has. High bridges, two attractive women discover his fear of heights. Then while on a steep angle on the way back down from Pike’s Peak on the Cog Rail, Krycek decides it would be funny to find a way to get Mulder to stand up and fall and tumble to the bottom, causing the brakes that keep the Cog Rail at a controlled speed, to give out, jolting everyone out of their seats. Scully fell off his lap and knocked her head very hard on the seat in front of her… and now she’s actin’ all weird.

A snear is on Doggett’s face now as he completes getting the sofa sleeper ready for the night.

Scully pops up to a sitting postion on the bed.

I need a bath…

(goes to her side)
I don’t think that’s safe. You
may drown because of the
condition you are in…

Marita gives Scully a sympathetic look and then grabs one of Scully’s more conservative pajamas from her suitcase.

(to Scully)
Honey… I’ll help you get washed up.

Marita helps Scully to her feet and they go into the bathroom. The looks on all the guy’s faces (save for Mulder) is classic. A woman washing another woman…

The dog starts barking at the window because he hears guests of the motel arriving. Krycek thinks the dog is excited about the same thing he’s excited about… Scully and Marita and the bath.

(to dog/to self)
Yeah… I’d be excited about that too…
naked, wet girls… bathing each other…

(annoyed/disgusted with Krycek)
Can’t you respect them for a minute?

No! I’m a man. I need a woman
right now. Infact, I’m goin’ to help
Marita wash Scully right now.

Krycek walks to the bathroom door and opens it. Scully is still fully clothed, she and Marita are filling the tub with warm water. Doggett comes up behind Krycek and makes him sit down on the bed with Mulder.

(commanding/to Krycek)

Skinner wanders to the bathroom entry and leans against the door rim.

Is it all right if I come in, Dana?

Krycek looks mad as Mulder flips on the TV and finds the Cartoon Network.


Everyone is in bed and Doggett is currently not in the room. Marita and Skinner are o n one end of the bed, sleeping. Skinner separates Marita from Mulder and Krycek. As we pan left, we see that Mulder and Krycek are all happy watching “Cheers” on TV.

Scully is lying on the sofa sleeper, trying to get their attention by moaning in pain. The boys ignore her. Then from the love in his itty bitty heart, Krycek goes to Scully and starts to give her a back rub. Shockingly, he doesn’t try any of his moves on her…

(muffled in pillow)
Thank you…

The door to the room opens and Doggett comes in wearing a backpack. After he closes the door, he unzips it and lets the dog out.

Doggett looks over and sees Krycek with Scully. Now Krycek has a perverted, sly grin on his face.

Krycek? What did I tell you?

I’m just giving her an innocent back rub.

Doggett gives him a doubtful look. Krycek goes back to his bed. Doggett gets into the sofa sleeper, and turns to talk to Scully, but she has fallen asleep. Doggett looks over to the bed, Marita and Skinner are asleep. How odd… he thought Skinner would want to sleep with his fiance after the crap that happened to her today, but he’s cuddled with Marita. Ok.

“Cheers” ends and Mulder sings:

Sometimes you wanna go
where everybody knows your name!
And they’re always glad you came…

Doggett uses the remote control to turn off the TV and then he switches off the lamp next to him.

Boys, go to sleep.


Seemingly, they are all asleep. That is not the case…

(in his dream?)
I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m a man
I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m a man
I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m THE MAN…

Scully’s eyes pop open, she lifts Doggett’s arm from being across her waist. She shakes him awake. She’s had enough of Krycek’s mumbling. And since Doggett seems to be able to control this little ass wipe:

(whisper to Doggett)
John. Make him shut up.

Doggett doesn’t wake up, instead he inches up closer to her.

(in his dream?)
I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m a man
SPANK ME BABY… that’s right
I’m a man, I’m a man, I’m a man…

Scully stands up and goes and wakes up Mulder. He wakes easily… has he been tolerating Krycek’s dirty talk this whole time?

Mulder. He’s been doing this for hours.

Suddenly Krycek begins to roll toward the other end of the bed (where Marita is sleeping peacefully). He rolls over Mulder.

Owie… my bones.

Mulder gets up and goes into the bathroom, we hear him turn on the water, even though they have filled it with ice, sodas and cold food.

Krycek rolls over Skinner. Skinner groans. Then Krycek is on top of Marita. He smiles as she wakes up.

(louder/in dream)
I’m THE MAN. Come on baby,
let’s make animal love.

(looks up to Scully/weak voice)
Help me…

Mulder comes back out of the bathroom.

(to Scully)
Let’s cool him down.

Scully shakes Skinner awake and they (Mulder and Skinner) pick up the sleeping Krycek and carry him into the bathroom. They drop him into the ice-filled tub and run out as Krycek so suddenly awakes.

Skinner and Mulder slam the bathroom door shut and hold it to keep Krycek from opening it. Skinner hangs onto the door handle, Mulder hangs onto Skinner’s waist, Scully wraps her arms around Mulder’s waist and Marita stands behind Scully, biting her fingernails.

Inside the bathroom, we hear Krycek splashing about in shock. After a few beats, the splashing stops. All is quiet for a beat. Then the chaos begins. Krycek is screaming in Russian, banging on the door and walls. He falls, he breaks the mirror, throws the top of the toilet, etc., etc.

With all the noise, it is only necessary for Doggett to wake up.

Doggett sits up and rubs the sleep from his eyes.


Everyone hanging onto Skinner, who is hanging onto the bathroom door. And Marita biting her fingernails as she cries. Scully starts crying as well, this wasn’t the best idea in the world… this is infact extremely dangerous.

Doggett stands up.

(in Marine mode)
That’s it! I’ve had it! We’re cutting
this trip short! I am sick and tired
of your bullshit!

Oh my God… he cursed.

That’s right. I’ve had it up to here with
all of you. If I hear anyone mutter ‘I’m a
man’, that person is gonna pay!

The room is quiet, including Krycek (who is still in the bathroom). Skinner lets go of the door handle. It doesn’t open.

Now, I want some peace and quiet around
here. I’m tired and since I don’t trust any one
of you to drive tomorrow, I need sleep. (beat)
Krycek! Get your ass out here and go to bed.
Dana, get in the sleeper. Marita, Walter, Fox, get in
bed. One peep out of anyone, and you don’t even
want to know what will happen.

The gang forms a single file line. Krycek slowly opens the bathroom door and comes out, all soaking wet. They all go to bed.


Doggett gets in the sofa sleeper and turns out the light. After a beat, Scully tries to cuddle up next to him.

John… I’m sorry I-

(yells at her)
What did I just say?!

Scully backs away from him and tries not to sniffle as tears form in her eyes. She can’t believe Doggett is being so mean to her. She turns to face the other direction and tries not to cry herself to sleep.



INT. VAN – 6:45 AM

Mulder is driving with Krycek next to him. They are listening to yodeling. The speakers are only on in the front of the vehicle, so not to upset Doggett, who began the day bad anyway.

Skinner and Marita are seated in the middle of the van.

In the back seat, we see Scully rummaging around, digging through various bags. She stops that and then starts crawling on the floor. We don’t see Doggett anywhere.

Finally, Scully finds what she was looking for, the first aid kit. She makes her way back to the back seat where we see Doggett lying down on his stomach, without his shirt on. Scully stradles herself on top of him. She leans down and whispers something in his ear, and then takes tweezers and starts plucking glass from the broken mirror out of his back. Doggett flinches.

Ow! Agent Scully that hurts!

Well, if you had listened to Mulder
when we woke you up, you wouldn’t
have gone into the bathroom and slipped
on the mess Krycek made during his
hissy fit last night. (beat/plucks more glass)
Why are you ‘agent Scullying’ me?

Doggett doesn’t say anything. He knows she’s right, he overreacted to them waking him up very early, and wasn’t listening to anyone. He knows better… any time he overreacts to things, stupid things will always happen to him to make him regret his behavior.

If I were to get bit in the behind by a
poisonous snake., who here, besides
Krycek, would suck the venom out
to save me?

Mulder turns around to face her, taking his eyes off the road.

I would.

Doggett screams in pain. Mulder jumps in his seat, afraid Doggett will yell at him for not watching the road. Really though, Scully had only pulled out a rather large piece of glass from Doggett’s lower back. She places gauze on the wound and pats his head.

You’re doing so good, John. (beat)
Are you sure you don’t want any
alcohol to numb the pain?

I will not drink with Krycek in the vehicle.

She shakes her head at him as she moves her hand down his back, searching for any more glass. It seems to be all gone. She looks down at his doggy boxers… ok… next area to work on.

(how to bring this up)
Uh… John… I need you to
remove your boxer shorts.

Doggett turns his head, trying to look at her.

You’re not serious, are you?

Well… if you really want glass in your ass-

-Fine. But make it quick. (beat/to others)
Anyone not involved with picking
glass out of me, turn the other way.

Skinner gets uncomfortable and Marita sits up straight, and turns around to watch. Scully gives her a look, Marita pouts and faces the front.

Scully carefully slips off Doggett’s boxers … Snoopy boxers. She hands them to Marita.

Put those in a plastic bag, he’ll need
to get a clean pair, just in case there’s
any glass on those.

She turns her attention back to Doggett and eyes his backside. Her eyes go wide.

(looks at a small scar on his bum)
Oh my God. What is that thing?

I’d rather not talk about it.

It looks like some kind of bullet scar…

Marita turns back around, highly amused.

(out of the blue)
Do you have a friend named Monica?

Doggett just about shits himself. Did Monica somehow contact them and tell them all about The Bullet Incident? He glares at Marita and his face is red.

Why? Did she tell you about something?

Marita smiles and turns to face the front of the van.

Doggett winces in pain as Scully goes at his bum with the tweezers.

TIME CUT: 11:30 AM

The smell of McDonalds fills the air.

Skinner drives now, since he has a special talent for eating and driving well. He is listening to some talk show on the radio.

Krycek and Marita are in the middle, throwing french fries at each other, aiming for the other’s mouth.

Doggett sits in the back with his back against the window. He’s eating a Big Mac as Scully continues to get rid of glass… this time from the bottom of his foot. Doggett is no longer in pain, infact he’s laughing. The touch of her hand and the tweezers is tickling him. Scully is not amused.

You know, Agent Doggett, after this
you owe me big time.

(trying not to laugh)
I can’t help it, this tickles.

Marita turns around to face them.

One time, I owned a white rabbit.

Doggett and Scully give her a look.

(dead pan)
Like “Alice In Wonderland”?

Marita shakes her head “yes”.

I named him Mister Rabbit.

(to Marita)
Do you remember the time I took
Mister Rabbit to school and he got loose?

You two went to school together?

Scully wraps some more bandages on his foot.

(school girl excitement)
Oh yes! And we had pig tails!

A smirk crosses his face.

(smiles at Scully)
I’d like to see that someday.


Marita begins to put her hair into pig tails, Doggett laughs.

Krycek turns around and glares at Doggett. How dare Doggett “flirt” with Marita. Krycek lifts a bottle of Mountain Dew and chugs it all down at once. He tosses it to the floor where it rests with about 8 other empty Mountain Dew bottles.

Scully, you sit up here. I’m
goin’ back there!

Krycek crawls to the back as Scully sits next to Marita. Krycek opens another Mountain Dew. He laughs uncontrollably.

You know, Alex, caffeine can
stunt your growth.

I’m as tall as I was six years ago.

(more devious)
No… (eyes his pant zipper)
your growth

Doggett gives Scully a look, don’t provoke the pervert.

Krycek, afraid for his manhood’s reputation, spits out the Mountain Dew that’s in his mouth. It sprays all over Doggett.

Agent Krycek!

Scully slaps Krycek hard on the arm and Marita gives him a disapproving look. Krycek smiles at them.

Geez Alex!

You’re the one that brought up my manhood.

You’re not gonna have any
manhood if you continue to misbehave.

You know Alex… you’re sitting where
another man’s manhood was just
a few hours ago…


He’s freaked out more than he’s ever been in his life.

(grossed out)

Krycek head locks Marita and he pulls her back to the back seat and he fumbles/crawls to the center with Scully. He looks at her and checks her out… raising an eyebrow he lets out a perverted laugh.

Doggett raises his hand to his forehead, the headache has begun again.


Scully is driving and Marita is next to her. Scully is playing some Celine Dion CD. Marita is coloring in a puppy dog coloring book. She stops and looks very thoughtful.

Guys… I think we forgot something…

No… I’m pretty sure we got everything
in the van. (beat) And if we didn’t, I don’t
think John here would want to drive all
the way back to Colorado after we’ve been
on the road for nine hours.

Suddenly a Gobstopper candy hits Marita on the back of her head. Krycek threw it but intended it for someone else.

Alex! Stop it! That hurts
everytime you do that!

Sorry. I was aiming for Scully again.

Doggett glares at Krycek from the back. Krycek takes another candy and pretends to put it in his mouth. Trying not to be noticed , he throws it at Scully. It’s a hit! He pumps his fist in the air.


The car starts to sputter and slow down, Scully loses control of the wheel. Her eyes go wide. Marita turns around to yell at Krycek.

You broke the car!

What the hell is going on?!

Pull off to the side.

Scully pulls off onto an exit ramp and the van slowly comes to a stop. Conveniently they are now blocking traffic from getting off the exit ramp. Cars start lining up behind them.

(under her breath)

All is quiet for a beat. They all want to blame everyone else for this situation.

Doggett is trying to control his pent up frustration with everyone, he doesn’t know it, but he is having a small little quiet hissy fit in the back… scaring the others. They are quiet so not to piss him off more.

Krycek is looking out the back window, a large grin on his face.

This truly is the work of the Devil.

He laughs.

I knew you did this.

Doggett opens the side door and gets out, and figures out what to do.

(pokes his head back in)
Ok, we have to push the van out
of the way. Skinner, Scully?
Think you can do that?

They agree and get out.

Can’t me, Krycek and Marita?

No. You two boys will find some
way to get run over by the van and…
Marita… well…

You like her, don’t you?

Doggett snears at him and walks away. Mulder is sad, he always did want to see the underside of a van.

Doggett gets in the driver seat and steers.

The van slowly picks up speed as Scully and Skinner push it. Then Scully trips and falls to the ground. Skinner and the van keep on going.

Scully rolls onto her back and sits up. She has scraped up her hands and knees. She looks to be in more pain than she should... since in the Afterlife, there was no such thing as pain. She looks down the street with scared eyes, no one has even noticed she’s not with them.

Some fiance he is…

A hick trucker comes to her side.

Ma’am are you okay?

Scully looks up at him and he helps her to her feet.

(lying/ wants to cry)
I’m fine.

Skinner finally comes running back to her.


Scully goes to him, about to cry. He decides he better give her a hug. He’s uncomfortable as he holds her.

I know a guy that I can call here.
He’ll be here in about one hour
he can fix your van. See the gas
station up there. Tell Billy Joe Bob
I sent ya, he’ll treat ya good.




Well the van is parked and they’ve all gotten out, waiting for the guy who can fix their van. Marita is crying on a bench nearby, Skinner is comforting her, she’s afraid they will never get back to D.C.

We do not see where Mulder and Krycek have wandered off to.

Scully is sitting alone at a picnic table, she is applying pressure to the cuts on her hands.

Doggett stands at a distance, observing Skinner, Marita and Scully. He wonders why Skinner is more concerned about Marita when his fiance is hurt. And why is Krycek not trying to comfort Marita when he supposedly loves her?

Doggett shakes his head in disbelief and walks to Scully. She doesn’t look up when he stands in front of her.

Dana. You’re a medical doctor,
you know you’ve got to clean
that up.

He squats down in front of her, and holds her arms, looking at her scratched up hands, they don’t look good. Dirty and some bleeding.

I know… I’m just not
thinking straight right now…

She glances over at Skinner and Marita, he’s holding her in his arms.

Doggett looks over as well and takes in a deep breath. He sits next to Scully and lowers his voice when he speaks to her.

Are you upset about Walter?

Scully looks at him blankly, not understanding… well she’s pretending she isn’t seeing what is going on with Skinner and Marita.

How he’s with Marita right now,
and not here with you.

Scully looks away from Doggett and focuses on her hands. They sit in silence for a moment. Ok, so she doesn’t want to discuss the Walter/Marita situation…

Let’s go inside and clean you up.
I know some basic first aid… (he smiles)
Soldier’s way saves the day.

They stand up and go inside.


Doggett and Scully disappear into the restroom. Then Mulder and Krycek step into frame, sharing perverted grins with each other and with us.

Mulder goes up to an employee.

(re: Scully and Doggett in restroom)
You know what they’re gonna do in there…

You’re kidding, right?

(arms full of Mountain Dew)
No. That would happen if I were in there with her.

From inside the restroom, Scully screams. They all pause and wonder.

Oh God…



Everyone is sitting at the picnic table, Mulder and Krycek seem lazy… they have eaten too much junk food. Not good.

Guys… I ate too much…

No one says a word, they are bored, tired irritated and not in the mood for Mulder’s dumb comments.

Any clues as to why the
mechanic hasn’t arrived?

No one knows. Marita gets out of the van, a weird grin on her face.

Oh boys… I think I know
what’s wrong with the van.

How would Marita know what’s wrong with the van? They all give her doubtful looks.

We’re out of gas.

That can’t be… we’ve been sitting here
all day. Gas just can’t disappear!

They all roll their eyes.

It got abducted by aliens.

Mulder believes this.

We are so dumb.

I feel so stupid!

Don’t worry. We’ll just get gas
and get outta here.

They all file into the van as Doggett fills up the gas tank.



Doggett drives, Skinner sits next to him with a road map open. Mulder sits in the middle with Scully. Krycek and Marita are in the very back.

Mulder’s head pops up in between Doggett and Skinner. He looks more awake than he should be.

So I really missed when a little
green man filled the van with
gas from his flying saucer?

For the last time. Yes. You missed it.

Did anyone get a camera?
(he turns to the back)
Krycek, you always carry a camera.

Krycek is being pushed off of Marita, he’s trying to get “lucky” with her in the back of the van and she’s not letting him.

No. I didn’t.

Marita takes this opportunity to curl up in a ball to keep Krycek away from her. Krycek turns his attention back to her and touches her arm.


Krycek continues pulling at her clothes. Skinner turns and glares at him.

Alex. Get off Marita.

Krycek is frustrated. All he wants is to get laid, it’s been so long and in the Afterlife, he had no sex… not like he really could anyway.


Doggett has had it, he pulls off on the side of the road and sharply stops the car. Krycek said the phrase that started all of the yelling before. Everyone is quiet, fearing what could come next.

Doggett quietly and calmly gets out of the van and slams the door. He starts to walk around, stopping momentarily in front of the van. His arms angrily fly up in the air, and then he places them on the top of his head and he screams at the top of his lungs, letting out some of his pent up frustration with Krycek’s lack of maturity and self-control.

(chanting / eyes shut)
We’re gonna die, we’re gonna die,
we’re gonna die, we’re gonna die,
we’re gonna die, we’re gonna die-

Doggett opens the side door of the van. He is not in a rational state of mind. Infact, he’s insane.

Doggett grabs Krycek by the shirt and pulls him out of the van. Before Krycek even has a chance to make a dumb facial expression, Doggett punches him in the face. Krycek falls to the ground, knocked out. Doggett looks down at Krycek and then into the van at Scully, he knows he’s done bad and Krycek needs help. Doggett makes Scully get out of the van.

You’re stayin’ with him.

What?! I didn’t do anything!
I was quiet! If anyone should
stay with him, it’s Mulder, Marita
or Skinner. They were talking and
making noise! Not me!

(in her face / yelling)
You are a doctor and… I think I killed him!

Then help me pick him up, put him back
in the van and drive to the nearest hospital!

Doggett nods his head “ok”. After a hesitant beat, he goes and shuts the side door of the van. Scully doesn’t trust him and what he is doing.

John? (beat) John? What are
you doing? You can’t be serious?

He looks at her and goes around to the driver side and gets in. Scully hears the automatic lock click.


The van engine starts. Scully tries to open the door.

John Doggett don’t you-

The van starts moving.

Damn you!

Scully stops as the van squeals off down the road. She starts crying, she can’t believe Doggett left her, at night, in the middle of nowhere with Krycek knocked out on the ground.

As we pan up away from her, we hear the low rumble of an oncoming thunderstorm…




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