"Fox & Rat" Virtual Series - Season Ten


Title: "Trouble In Paradise"

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Series: FRVS - Episode #209

Written by: Cassie

Edited by: Claudine

Classification: humor, drama, angst

Rating: PG-13 (sexual situations, language)

Air Date: 7 October 2017

Date Written: 8, 17 June 2017; 22-25 June 2017

Summary: Now that John and Dana are married, is it such a good idea to work together again?

Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS). "Star Wars" belongs to George Lucas.

Feedback: foxandratvs@gmail.com

Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series, and Semper Fi only. If you would like to include any of our episodes in your fanfic archive, please contact us at: foxandratvs@gmail.com

Author's Note: Sometimes the actions of these characters are cartoonish in nature. If you actually think that following their horrible example is a good thing to do, we are not responsible for your lack of common sense. The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor.

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3:23 P.M.

The basement X-Files office is empty. There’s an uneasiness about the room though, as if something big has happened in here today. It’s not that it’s a disaster area, quite the contrary. The basement office is clean. Files set perfectly stacked on top of each other on Mulder’s desk, cabinet and bookshelves are dusted, even the trash cans have been emptied.

Agent Scully angrily walks into the office, followed immediately by her husband Agent Doggett. Neither one of them is very happy.

(angry, frustrated)
Dammit, John! Just leave
me alone! I’m sick and tired
of dealing with you right now!

She angrily sits down behind Mulder’s desk, so much UMPH! in her sitting down that the office chair sinks just slightly, making her look shorter than she is while sitting behind the desk.

Then why don’t you move
your things into the other office?

I don’t want to.

(mocking/mimicking her)
I don’t want to. (beat)
It’s your office anyway.
This office is mine and Mulder’s.

Dana grabs the closest piece of paper to her, crumples it up, and chucks it towards John (who has just taken a seat behind his desk).

Your office, and Mulder’s
office, and Krycek’s office.
(beat) Why put me in my
own office and make me
come in here, without a
goddamn desk?! (beat)
I thought before the war
that that shit got taken
care of, but no-ooooo.

She stands up, and turns her back to him, crossing her arms in front of her chest, looking upward out the narrow window of the office. She sees the feet and legs of passersby trudging through the snow on the sidewalk. She wishes she were out there with them instead of in here with her damn husband!

Now that her back is turned to him, John’s face expresses regret for mimicking her like a child. But he doesn’t feel the need to apologize to her. Not now anyway. Also, he knows how much she had hoped for a desk of her own.

Well, and he won’t say this aloud right now, but she does have her own desk in her own private office, but also… it’s true that all the work they do on the X-Files takes place in his, Mulder’s, and Krycek’s office. He knows that it bothers her that she feels like she’s been shoved aside, not part of the “boys club.” That it bothers her that she has to leave her office in order to actually work with them as a team.

It’s been a little over a year since Fox Mulder re-established the FBI, and both John and Dana Doggett decided that they wanted to return to work at the FBI (after Mulder begged them to return, of course). Since FBI agents can’t have the same last names, Dana went back to being “Agent Scully” and John remained “Agent Doggett.” They’ve been back at the FBI, in the basement X-Files office, now for almost four months, and already they are on each other’s last nerve!

They’d been through a lot since the outbreak of the Alien War in 2006. They lived on an aircraft carrier (The Pequod) for five years, got married, had a daughter and a son, John served as General in the Second American Civil War (got severely wounded and was forced to retire from the Marines with honors). They lived at their lake cabin in Luray while rebuilding their home in Falls Church.

When they were finally able to return to their home. Neither one of them had a job until Mulder asked them if they would please rejoin the FBI, and help him re-establish the X-Files Division. Mulder asked them this last fall, and by the second Monday in October, they clocked in their first day back at the Bureau as Special Agents Dana Scully and John Doggett.

Things went fairly well the first couple months, they were enjoying the work, and loved working together again, but after Christmastime last year… well… seeing each other around the clock was getting to them. They thought working together again would be just as it had been before the Alien War, but things were not as they were before the Alien War.

For starters, they now have the responsibility to make sure their children are taken care of while they are at work, and when they have to work overtime (which isn’t often, but it has caused issues). Thankfully, they can rely on Monica and Knowle who understand life and relationships of those in law enforcement.

Second, John and Dana now see each other almost every hour of every single day.

They work Monday through Friday (and sometimes on Saturdays and Sundays) from 8 A.M. to 5 or 6 P.M. They go to work together in John’s truck. They work together in the basement office. They have lunch together at the FBI cafeteria (though from time to time they do go out to eat). They go home together. They pick up their kids from the Rohrers. Dinner gets made. They eat dinner as a family. They spend time with their kids before getting them to bed. They share a bed, sleep next to each other, and wake up at 5 A.M. each day to go for a morning run together before breakfast together.

They love each other, but even they can admit to themselves (though not yet to each other) that this has become too much. There's too much "together" going on in their marriage. Fact is, John and Dana are absolutely sick and tired of seeing each other all the time.

They haven’t been together as “man and wife” in weeks. It doesn’t help their intimacy that when they have tried to be as “man and wife” that their son, Will, a very young professional lock picker, will enter their bedroom in the middle of the night, scared of the monsters under his bed. Will gives them a hard time, and begs his dad to “go to war” with him against the monsters. They don’t talk about it aloud, but… they haven’t had sex since New Years!

The lack of physical intimacy between them is hurting their relationship.

There was even one night, after a bad fight over who forgot to do the laundry, that John seriously asked Dana if she would prefer he sleep on the goddamned couch downstairs in the living room! After he shouted this question at her, the room went dead silent. And he knew that he had hurt her feelings. She rushed up to him, and he thought she was going to slap him across the face, but instead she wrapped her arms around him and told him she loves him, and even if they are upset with each other there’s no way in the world she’d be able to get any sleep without him by her side.

Her reaction to him suggesting he sleep on the couch temporarily fixed them for that night. They wound up making out with each other like horny teenagers all night, reassuring each other that they still love one another very much, even if the damn laundry didn’t get done.

They’ve fought with each other a lot in the last couple months actually. They’ve fought about laundry, doing the dishes, taking out the trash or recycling, about what to watch on TV, who was going to walk the dog, who forgot to close the garage door one night, or forgetting to rinse off dinner plates immediately after eating. It was getting ridiculous. They did their best not to fight in front of Katie and Will, but they slipped a few times, but were sure that the kids understood that the fights weren’t anything to be worried about.

Knowle was quick to catch on to their marital troubles, and even publicly cracked jokes about how he’s going to start making bets with people over how long before John and Dana get divorced, and who would get custody of the kids, and who would get the house, and who would be forced to move into some crappy apartment. He based his “infinite wisdom” on the subject on statistics of what a career in law enforcement does to married couples. He even suggested, jokingly, that Dana just needed a good fuck and if John couldn’t perform, he would step in to relieve her sexual frustrations. Knowle laughed so hard at the looks John and Dana gave him, they knew he wasn’t being serious. Or was he?

And here they are again, on an effing Friday for Christ sakes, fighting with each other again, and what about? Was it how Dana woke up at 4 A.M. today to go running alone, or was it how he didn’t “have time” to drive the kids to school this morning, or was it that she decided to wear a revealing top that goes against FBI dress code regulations (and he called her out on it), or was it that they simply just sat together at lunch in the FBI cafeteria, further annoying the other? This current fight (argument, disagreement, whatever!) seems to be about how Dana is upset that she has her own private office, and yet she’s still not satisfied because she’s “forced” to work in Mulder, Krycek, and John’s office down the hall, where she does not have a desk of her own.

John doesn’t know what to say to ease the tension in the room, and he hears the elevator door open and the giggling of Mulder and Krycek as they make their way down the hallway towards the office. Dana sighs loudly, in anticipation of the increased frustration she’ll feel if the boys come into the office right now.

(loud enough so Mulder/Krycek hear her)
John, we need to figure out what
to do. I’m sick of always fighting.

Speaking louder seems to have deterred Mulder and Krycek from entering the X-Files office, John hopes they take the cue to head back to the elevator and go elsewhere. He hears Krycek whisper “Duuuuuuuude! Let’s eavesdrop!” followed by Mulder’s whisper of “We should go back upstairs, Alex. This is married couple stuff.” followed by Krycek snorted retort “We’re at work, they’re not supposed to do married crap at work” then Krycek giggled and said quite loudly, “unless they be havin’ da sex on you desk!”  followed by Krycek crying out (as quietly loud as possible) in pain, the elevator door dinging again, and the sound of them leaving the basement hallway.

Dana turns to face John, though things are tense, there’s a relieved smile on her face. She sits down with relief.

Thank god they left.
I’m not in the mood to
deal with Mulder and
Krycek today.

John leans forward on his desk, resting on his elbows. He heard her say that they need to figure out what to do about their fighting.


She raises an eyebrow, usually when they’re at work he’s gone back to calling her “Agent Scully.”

We have to figure out
why we’ve been at each
other’s throats lately.
Once we figure that out
then we can figure out
a solution.

All I know is that we didn’t used
to be like this, and now we are.

John rubs the back of his neck. Yes, when they worked together in the X-Files before the war, they got along, rarely getting on each other’s nerves. Of course… he made the decision, once they became a couple, to transfer out of the X-Files because he didn’t want them to end up… well… to end up how they are today.

Things have changed since the
last time we worked together.
We’re married, have two kids…

Dana is listening, she wonders if he’s going where she thinks he’s going. You see, years ago when they first became a couple, they were partners in the X-Files Division. There was one case where they shared a hotel room together, and John told her he was going to request a transfer to another division.

He requested that transfer so that they wouldn’t become, well… how they have been with each other these past few months.

Fifteen years ago, he got a transfer to OPR because he didn’t want working together to come between them. What were his words again? Oh yes, “I don’t want our job causing any extra problems in our relationship” and “I’ve heard that couples who work together in our field can end up having problems that tear them apart” and finally “I don’t want that to happen to us.” Upon which she assured him if the Bureau reassigned him to another city, state, or country that she would follow him anywhere.

That night was a huge step for them in their relationship. It was the night she realized in her heart that John Doggett was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

Johnny, I…

She hesitates, she knows exactly what she wants to say, but she’s unsure how it will make him feel. On good days, they’re a great investigative team. They even cracked the Bigfoot case over in Colorado a week before Thanksgiving last year, it was their first X-Files case since returning to the FBI.

(at the exact same time)
I’ll resign from the FBI effective immediately.

They share a look with each other, and try not to laugh since they’re both dead serious about this statement.

(at the exact same time)
No, I’ll resign, you should stay
at the Bureau, you’re too good an agent.

Ok this is almost silly now, they’re saying the exact same thing at the exact same time, just like an old married couple! Still, they try not to laugh.



They can’t stop themselves, they start laughing at each other. Their laughter has lightened their mood.

I know that you’re still eyeing
the Directorship, and if you resign
then you may never get it.

If Knowle wins the Presidency
I’m pretty sure he’ll appoint me
as the Director of the FBI.

Then you need to stay here,
show you are committed
to the job. If you leave now…
it may look like you no longer
want that position.

And if you resign what will you do?

Go back to med school maybe.
Or I could just stay at home with
the kids. To be honest, I don’t
really care for them spending so
much time with Aunt Monica and
Uncle Knowle, I’ve noticed Will’s
picked up some of Knowle’s
obnoxious mannerisms.

Wanting to go to war with the
monster under his bed?

For starters. (beat) I just know that
seeing each other twenty-four seven
is not helping us.

I agree.

Finally! This is out in the open! They’ve been married for nearly thirteen years now. They have changed, and their relationship has changed. They’re no longer twenty years younger, flirting with each other, and trying to find ways to spend time with one another. They can’t try to recreate their past, the past is said and done, they have the present to live in, and the future to look forward to.

Nothing more needs to be said on this matter. Dana turns on Mulder’s laptop computer in front of her, and begins typing her letter of resignation. John stands up and goes to her, placing his hand on her shoulder, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek.

Semper fi.

Dana looks up at him, and smiles.

I love you too, Johnny.

She continues typing her letter, and John nods to himself knowing that for now the tension of this afternoon is behind them, and maybe, just maybe, their marriage will see positive results from her resignation.

He sits back down at his desk across the room, and turns on his computer. He’s received two emails from Agent Mulder. The first with a subject line reading “If you and Scully need to talk to a marriage counselor I am available” and the second from Krycek with a subject line reading "Make a sex tape please."

If only Krycek knew that he and Dana have already made a sex tape, years ago, before Katie was born. Haha! The little dweeb has no idea. John smirks.

He deletes Krycek's email, and opens Mulder's. John lets out a sigh, Mulder has been helping them out with Katie’s PTSD for a couple years now, and he’s tried to drop hints about working one-on-one with he and Dana about their marriage. Apparently, Mulder has figured out that they’ve been having problems.

Mulder means well, but really… to send such an email through the official FBI email server isn’t exactly what John Doggett would call professional.

John sighs again, and looks over at his wife, who is signing her name on her letter of resignation… maybe he too should just resign from the Bureau.

Honestly, how likely is it that Knowle would actually appoint him as the FBI Director? Especially when Director Donovan is doing so well. And even if Knowle wins the Presidency, and appoints him as the new FBI Director, Knowle’s a good friend of his, it would look like he was doing favors. He’s not so sure the Directorship is in the cards for him. Maybe it was twenty years ago, but perhaps not anymore.

He’s considered what he would do if he ever left the Bureau.

He’s thought about maybe one day running for President himself, even talked this over with Dana last year when they were on their Bigfoot case in Colorado. She listened to him quietly, and understood that he was serious and told him that if he wants to run for public office, she will stand by his side, and support him every step of the way. Even if that meant the news media uncovering her not-so-pretty past as a former stripper at Krycek’s old gentlemen’s club, The Gutter, in Las Vegas (in the summer of 1988).

John wasn’t sure if saying that was her way of actually telling him she didn’t want him to run for public office, so he asked, and she assured him that if he wanted to be in politics, she would support him. She would use her history as a former exotic dancer (he still can’t believe he’s married to a former exotic dancer!) to pursue women’s issues, and if she was a First Lady (she grinned and giggled over this) she would work to bring awareness to sexual abuse of both women and children.

John smiles as he watches Dana admire her resignation letter. She’s one hell of a woman, that’s for sure. She’s been through things that no one should have to endure, and still came out if it with the ability to laugh, smile, love, and enjoy life. He admires her for that. Hell, if it weren’t for her he’d probably still be that boring old John Doggett who stayed at home on weekends, cleaning his gun while watching NASCAR on TV. He knows that if she were ever a First Lady that she would do all she could to help as many people as she could.

But he’s not running for President this year, he only knows the idiot who is, Knowle Justin Rohrer, his oldest friend. The friend he watched get wasted time and time again at random parties throughout high school and college. The guy who, when he became a father himself, John looked at him and thought “holy shit, Knowle is going to raise children!”

It’s been surreal watching Knowle battle political opponents in the primary debates on TV, or seeing him appear in news articles, and magazine covers. He has no doubt that Knowle is going to become the Republican party’s Presidential candidate. Normally, John would vote “blue,” but this time around he knows that a vote for the Republican party, with Knowle on the ticket, would mean good things for the country. Nothing against the leading Democrat candidate, Ms. Shane Vansen, but he knows his idiot friend does want to do everything he can to help the country, and help the world. He's known Knowle since they were kids. He's well qualified for the job (even if he does flirt with his wife from time to time).

Dana goes over to John and hands him her resignation letter, it reads:

Dear Director Frank Donovan,

It is my sincere regret that I write to inform you of my resignation from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, effective immediately. As you know, it has been an honor to take part in the re-establishment of the Bureau after the rebuilding of Washington, D.C. following the end of the Alien War, and the Second American Civil War, and it has been an honor to serve under you, and to work with Special Agents John Doggett, Fox Mulder, and yes, even Alex Krycek. But as you know, sir, I am married to Special Agent Doggett, and our working relationship has had a negative impact on our personal relationship, and because of this I must resign.

I feel I must leave you with one final tip, regarding the care and handling of Special Agents Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek, do not accept case reports handed in that are written in crayon. It is Agents Mulder and Krycek’s “secret” clue that case reports written in crayon were fabricated so they could run off to other states to attend county fairs, theme parks, or comic cons (which they’ve never actually been able to get into).

Thank you,
Dana Doggett

John smiles at Dana, and hands the letter back to her.

Sounds good.

I’ve written these before. At
least I didn’t have to make a
snarky remark about not having
my own desk this time, right?

He nods his head. Funny, they were just fighting about her private office only a few minutes ago.

Taking it up to Donovan now?

Mmmm, no. (beat) I think
I want to finish out the day
with you in the office.

With that, Dana sits on his lap, and wraps her arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek.

I think this is really going
to help us, Johnny. (beat)
I love you, but I can’t be
with you all the time.

Me neither, sweetheart.

He kisses her on the lips.

But then again… if John ever ran for public office he probably wouldn’t get to spend as much time with her and the kids as he would want.

Sure, a Doggett has never become President of the United States before, nor has a Doggett ever run for public office, but really… when John thinks about it, he would like to be an American History, or a Military History professor, perhaps at Georgetown University. He’s always had an interest in the subject. But then again… he won’t be throwing in the towel here at the FBI anytime soon because in the back of his mind the words "FBI Director John Doggett" sit. No, he’s almost 53 years old, he’s still much too young to give up on a career-long goal of becoming the Director of the FBI.



11:32 A.M.

There’s a large crowd gathered in front of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C.,  Hundreds of them are carrying signs that say “ROHRER 2020” or “Rohrer For President” or “When The Going Gets Tough, You Get Rohrer!”

Music is blaring out of the speakers that flank both sides of a speaker podium in front of the monument, “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons, Knowle Rohrer’s campaign song. The song exudes masculinity, power, not being afraid of change.

The 2020 Presidential election is the first nationwide election the United States has had since the end of the Alien War in 2012. During that war, the country did not have leadership, and its citizens were forced to fend for themselves, often establishing groups of survivors nationwide.

On 12 November 2013, eleven months after Mulder and Krycek destroyed the alien mothership, which led to humanity’s win in the war, Ray Douglas, a man who had worked in Special Ops with Knowle in the late 1990s and early 2000s, assumed the role of President of the United States without any official election. He was confirmed as POTUS by leaders of what was left of the leaders of the United States military branches.

President Ray Douglas won re-election in the 2016 Presidential election, when the Western territories of the country had seceded from the Union, and the country was in the midst of a Second American Civil War.

Shannon McMahon had been his Vice President up until she resigned on 1 December 2017, President Douglas asked Knowle if he would be his next Vice President, and Knowle accepted.

And here we are now, three years later, and Knowle Rohrer is working his way through the Republican primaries, well on his way to the official Republican Party nomination this coming July.

I raise my flags, don my clothes
It’s a revolution, I suppose
We’ll paint it red to fit right in

I’m breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse

I’m waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow

Welcome to the new age, to the new age

Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I’m radioactive, radioactive

Knowle Rohrer steps out onto the platform and raises both his arms over his head and waves at the crowd in front of him. The crowd is extraordinarily loud, cheering for the man they believe will become the 47th President of the United States of America.

Knowle steps behind the podium, and leads forward toward the microphone. It’s a cold February day here in D.C. and as he speaks you can see his breath in the cold, frigid air.

Thank you!

The crowd is so loud cheering for him that he can barely be heard. Knowle smiles, and laughs to himself, and looks off stage at his wife, Monica Reyes (now Rohrer). His two young children, fraternal twins, Carolina and J.J. (6 years old) aren't here at the rally today, they're at indoor baseball practice with John Doggett and his son, Will.

Monica politely applauds her husband. She knows that all eyes are on her too since it is very likely she will become the next First Lady.

Knowle motions to the crowd to settle down, as the volume to “Radioactive” is turned down.


Thank you, thank you. What
a beautiful day it’s turned out
to be. I am proud to be standing
here before you, as your current
Vice President, I can assure you
that I am the best candidate to
move into the Oval next January.

The crowd roars its approval. The “ROHRER FOR PRESIDENT” signs ripple across the crowd, and the cheering gets louder and louder.

But before I speak to you today
about what I will do when I
win in November, I’d like to
ask you all a favor.

The crowd cheers its approval again. They are putty in his hands.

Tomorrow is the birthday of
one of my dearest friends, Dana
Doggett. Though she’s not here
with us today, I know she’s
watching at home, so if you don’t
mind, could we all join together
in singing Happy Birthday to her?!

The crowd goes wild! They frookin’ love Knowle Rohrer! They love him, they love anyone he is associated with, they love his wife, they love his kids, they love his friends! Knowle smiles and waves at the crowd as they start singing “Happy Birthday” to Dana Doggett. The camera pauses on Monica’s face, Knowle’s wife, she’s smiling, but we’re not sure if she’s too enthusiastic about her husband singling out Dana during his rally.

WE PULL BACK from this scene and realize we are watching it from a TV screen in John and Dana Doggett’s living room in Falls Church, Virginia.

Dana is sitting cross-legged on the couch wearing her favorite white terry cloth shorts, and a solid navy blue T-shirt. Her hair is up in a ponytail. She is enjoying her first official day of FBI retirement! She slept in, forgoing her daily morning run with her husband (who is currently at an indoor baseball practice with Will, he’s the team’s coach). She sits, watching the coverage of Knowle’s rally with her jaw wide open. Why in the world is Knowle acknowledging her birthday?! She’s not even a part of his campaign team!

Honestly though… Knowle has been extra flirty with her lately. She shrugs it off as his over-confidence in the campaign, and indulges him with polite smiles and laughs, when appropriate. She wonders though how Monica feels about this. She sees Monica smiling on TV, but she knows when Monica doesn’t mean it. 

Anyway… Dana is enjoying her first official day of FBI retirement! Well, it’s a Saturday so it doesn’t feel much different. Monday will feel weird, she’s positive of that. She turned in her resignation letter to the FBI Director, Frank Donovan before she and John left the Bureau yesterday evening. He accepted her immediate resignation without question, thanked her, and wished her luck in her future endeavors. He also said that he would write her a letter of recommendation that she can use while looking for a new job.

On the drive home both she and John felt the tension lift from their shoulders, knowing that they’ll finally have something to talk to each other about when he comes home from work. He’ll be able to share details of his day at work, and she will be able to tell him about her day. They anticipate this welcome change to their daily routine.

They had tried to make love last night, but got interrupted by Will. Apparently Uncle Knowle thought it would be funny to let Will enjoy a couple Mountain Dew (caffeine!!!) drinks, and candy (sugar!!!) while he was at his and Monica’s home before his parents came to pick up him and Katie. They spent most of the night trying to get their son to calm down and go to sleep. He refused to sleep in his own bed because of the “monster” under his bed, and wound up sleeping in between his mom and dad in their bedroom. His feet often in their faces, and toes up their noses.

Silently, she and John had a conversation about how they need to get Will to fall asleep in his own bed, and rid him of the “monster” under his bed once and for all. It’s been too long since they last were able to have sex together.

Dana sits with her laptop in her lap, an online video of the TV news series Truth Squad with Tad O’Malley is on pause as she turns her attention to the TV, and the coverage of the campaign rally Knowle is holding in D.C.

Like everyone else in the country, Dana is obsessed with wanting to know who Knowle Rohrer will choose as his running mate. It’s February, so it is a little early for that kind of decision, but she needs to know! She heard on Tad O’Malley’s show that Knowle was considering her younger brother, Charles, for the position! How cool would that be?!

Currently Charles Scully is one of the Assistant Directors at the FBI. Along with Walter Skinner, who had wanted to retire after the Alien War, but when Mulder called him up to ask him to help him re-establish the FBI, Skinner couldn’t say no. Mulder had tried to get Charles to join the Bureau as a Special Agent for the X-Files Division, but with the experience Charles has, he was best suited for an Assistant Director position.

Early on in Knowle’s bid for the Republican nomination, John had dropped hints that he would be interested in the Vice Presidential running mate position. Knowle didn’t seem to hear him, and John has since given up hope of being his running mate.

Life goes on, and… Dana checks her wristwatch… as soon as John and Will get home from little league baseball practice, they can play a board game together, or maybe watch a movie, or build a snowman.

Will’s team, the D.C. Sluggers, practice in an indoor, dirt-filled, baseball field during the winter months. John is one of the team’s coaches. John has so much fun coaching his son's baseball team. He's a natural little league coach.

Dana feels the paws of the family dog, Buddy, the now 19 year old beagle, stares up at her. He’s an old dog now, and needs help getting up on the couch. She helps lift him up to sit next to her.

(petting Buddy)
Such a good ol’ boy!

Buddy lets out a little WOOF! that sounds youthful though it is old, and he looks around the room, seemingly concerned about something. Then Dana sees her daughter coming down the stairs, with a troubled expression on  her face. Dana closes her laptop.

Shortcake, you ok?

I was listening to that playlist
you made me, and Bowie’s
“Heroes” was playing and…
I just got bothered by the word
“guns” in the song.

If you remember, in the finale days of the Alien War, the aircraft carrier they had been living on since the Earth froze over, The Pequod, had sunk and John Doggett was forced to take his daughter into battle with him. She had loaded up her Elmo backpack with ammo for her father, and helped him as best she could.

After the war had ended, it only took a few months before Katie started exhibiting symptoms of post-traumatic stress. She would wake up screaming from nightmares about the war, sounds of buildings collapsing in town (during reconstruction) would trigger flashbacks, she withdrew from the family for a time, had difficulty sleeping, angry outbursts, she was unable to concentrate in school, and always worried that she was going to lose her mother (which had almost happened when they were forced to evacuate The Pequod as it sank).

John had immediately recognized her symptoms as PTSD, for even he had suffered from PTSD after his stint in the Middle East during the Gulf War in the early 1990s. And even after the Alien War, strange sounds at night would have him walking the house with his handgun drawn in one hand, and their alien stiletto in the other. He still has the deep scar on his back from where an alien had torn into him the night of their first attack on his Marines barracks at Camp Lejeune.

Hell, even Dana herself suffered from her experiences during the war. She very nearly lost her life after being forced to remove the chip from the back of her neck, to keep the aliens from tracking her, Knowle and Skinner! If it hadn’t been for Monica, and her strange abilities, she would have died.

The only one left untouched is their six year old son, Will, who had been born at their cabin in Luray, Virginia, a few months after the end of the war, on the Fourth of July of 2013.
No one knows this, except the Doggett family, but they have been working privately with Mulder to overcome their post-war issues. Mulder has worked with them as a unit, and individually. John and Dana thought they had successfully hid their marital issues from Mulder, but according to the email he sent John yesterday, that hadn’t gone unnoticed to him.

On their drive home from work yesterday, she and John even talked about scheduling an appointment with Mulder to talk through the issues they’ve been going through. They decided to wait and see how her resignation from the FBI will affect their marriage.

Dana smiles at the thought of Mulder. He’s such a good friend to them, like family really. He’d do anything in his power to ensure that they were happy.

Sometimes though, she does think that Mulder should be spending more time with his wife, Maria, and their daughter Pookalina Shmi, than hanging out with Krycek, or dropping by their home to spend time with them. She hopes his relationship with Maria is all right.

However, Maria understood the man she married, and she knew that by marrying Mulder that Krycek came with him. Mulder is the President of Super Buddies, you know. Nah, Mulder and Maria are that couple that you wouldn’t expect to make it, but who oddly have a way of working out (even if Alex Krycek, divorced from Marita, is living with them).

Things with Katie have gotten much better though, not perfect, but better than where she was at a year ago. For that, Dana is grateful.

She looks into her daughter’s eyes as she sits down next to her. Dana doesn’t see that she’s been triggered by the word “guns” in the song. She’s relieved. Dana has never quite been able to be as comforting as her husband is when Katie is triggered. John has a natural instinct to know exactly what to say, and what to do. Dana does not (though it bothers her that she feels helpless when Katie needs her the most).

The song isn’t about war.

It sounds like some kind of
love story, but then he sang
about gun shots above their
heads. (beat) It just reminded
me of when I helped daddy
in the war.

Dana puts her arm around her daughter to help comfort her. Even though she seems ok, she wants to let her know that she’s there for her.

I always thought the song was
about lovers in Germany, before
the Berlin Wall was torn down.
(beat) You’ve learned about East
and West Germany in school, right?

Kind of, it was confusing.

Back then East German
soldiers would shoot at people
who tried to breach the wall. I
think the song speaks of two very
different feelings that were going
on between the two Germanys, at
the wall. (beat) Lovers kissing, and
at the same time other people were
trying to escape. Love and fear.

Walls shouldn’t be built to
keep people away from their
family and friends. (beat) We
need to build bridges, not walls.

Katie repeats a talking point that her Uncle Knowle has been using in his campaign.

Do you like the song?

Dana feels bad that she created a playlist of some of her favorite music from when she was Katie’s age. She should have been more attentive to what kind of stories the songs were telling.

It’s not Katy Perry, or
Bruno Mars, but I like it
because it doesn’t sound
like most algorithmic music
of today’s artists.

Algorithmic? (beat) You
sound like your father.
Are you listening to your
dad’s country music yet?

No. (beat) Uncle Krycek was
talking to me about the time
when he was a very famous
rap musician, Albino Rat.

(raises an eyebrow)

Yeah, when he would go on
world tours, singing and rapping
in all the big cities in the world,
before the Alien War. He even
showed me his album covers, and
had me listen to his songs-

(eyes wide)
-He let you listen to his songs?!

Honestly though, Krycek doesn’t have too many cuss words in his music, but some of the songs are about very perverted, adult themes: SeXXXting Ruined My Luv Life, iTouch Got Me Into Legal Trouble, 4G Is Not The Hot Spot I Thought It Was, Facebook Is Not For Getting Head – just to name a few examples!

Yeah, I love the song he wrote
about dad! (giggles) Dogg With
The Double G (G-Man Yo)

Yeah… that song. Your dad
was thrilled with that.

He wasn’t.

John hated it.

He still hates it.

Uncle Alex says he’s thinking
of making a comeback. I think
he should! (beat) It’d be so
cool knowing a famous person
while he’s recording records,
and touring the world! (beat)
Uncle Albino Rat!

Buddy climbs up onto Katie’s shoulder to look out the front window, he hears John’s truck pull up into the driveway. John and Will are home from baseball practice! WOOF! WOOF! WOOOOOOOOOOOOF!!! Buddy’s tail goes back and forth, crazy-like, whacking Katie in the head, messing up her hair!

Buddy! DOWN!

Katie starts to rub her hands together nervously, as if something else is on her mind. Something she wanted to say before her dad and brother got home from baseball.

Mom, I’m glad that you
will be home more often
now. I really missed spending
time with you.

Me too, shortcake.

Dana kisses Katie on the top of her head.

I hope that this means that
you and daddy will talk
more. (beat) I was scared
that you were going to get
divorced like Uncle Alex
and Auntie Marita.

This shatters Dana’s heart.

She had no idea that Katie thought that she and John might get a divorce.

Sure, she and John would have arguments at home, but she didn’t think they were bad enough to make her kids think the worst. It’s also true that she and John haven’t had much to talk about to each other at home. Just the usual chatter while having dinner, asking about how their kids’ days were, what they learned at school, and how was recess. They’d go about their chores at home, help the kids with homework, get them to bed each night, and though they didn’t have any actual, meaningful discussions, they of course, cuddled in bed every night, shared passages from the books they were reading, and laughed at late night television together, but Katie and Will were fast asleep during those moments. Katie and Will only saw that they would sometimes argue with each other, then focus their attention on them, and not each other.

Dana thinks back to other arguments they had when the kids were in another room, or even in the same room as them… who was going to take the kids to school in the morning, or the time when John had watched the DVR recording of the newest episode of “Game of Thrones,” without Dana (a show they usually watched together so that neither would accidentally slip out spoilers to the other… well… John let a few spoilers slide about Jon Snow before she had time to watch the episode). These were the petty things they would “fight” about. It was almost always about the petty things.

Sweetheart… your daddy and
I will argue with each other, but
that doesn’t mean we don’t
still love one another.

Will even asked me
if Aunt Monica and
Uncle Knowle were
our new parents.

Dana can’t help but gasp at this. She had no idea! She had no idea whatsoever about how their kids were interpreting their interactions at home, and the lack of time they actually had to spend with their kids outside of dinnertime, TV time, and bedtime! This hurts her. Neither she nor John would ever want their kids to think that they would get a divorce. They wouldn’t want them to think they didn’t care enough about them to spend time with them. As far as Dana knows, her resignation from the FBI will be the best thing that has happened to their family since she and John first met!

I told Uncle Mulder. (beat)
I think if you and daddy need
to, you should talk to him too.

Dana nods her head. Absolutely. If she and John still have issues with their marriage in a few weeks they will seek help from Mulder.

The front door opens and Will runs into the house, tracking muddy footprints in with him. He throws his wooden baseball bat (a gift from last Christmas, from his Uncle Mulder) onto the floor, along with his catcher’s mitt, and then strips off his winter coat and also tosses it onto the floor.

Will! Don’t throw things.
(beat) And take off your shoes!

John walks in behind Will. He’s dirty, and not wearing a winter coat. There’s dirt all over his jeans and white T-shirt, maybe even some dirt in his hair, and there’s absolutely dirt on his face. Dana stands up and goes over to him, and gives him a hug. More than ever she wants to be a positive role model to her children of what a loving, and healthy relationship is.

What happened to you?

She runs her finger across his face, and shows him the dirt that transferred onto her finger.

I lost a bet with the kids
and I had to show them
how to slide into first.

What was the bet?

That I would get striked
out by Carolina, in three
straight throws. (beat)
She’s a really good pitcher.

You know you never win
any bets you place, right?

I know, I know, but…
(he smiles) I really wanted
to slide in the dirt, Dana.

And suddenly the eyes of the man standing before her are the eyes of a six year old boy who got to play in the dirt! She smiles at him, shaking her head.

So… now that you taught
Will how to slide into first,
does that mean there will
be more dirt-filled clothes
for our laundry?

Dana picks at her husband’s muddy white T-shirt. Oh yay! /sarcasm! More dirty laundry to do. John doesn’t say anything to answer her question. He just smiles, sheepishly.

So… tomorrow’s your birthday.

The big five-o. (beat) Ugh!
When did we get so old, John?

Don’t worry, sweetheart,
to me, you’ll always be twenty-nine.

Hmm… Dana thinks… twenty-eight if that theory she has about the old “Tithonus” case turns out to be true! John moves to hug her, but Dana places her hand on his chest and gives him a look. She’s in clean clothes, and he’s a muddy, dirty mess!

That reminds me! Do you know
what Knowle did at his rally?

John shakes his head.

No. I just dropped J.J.
and Caro off with his
security detail, as he asked.

Even though I wasn’t there, he
got the crowd to sing Happy
Birthday to me!

She looks at John with “what the fuck, why?!” eyes!

He’s probably just trying to
show off he’s the candidate
that takes time out to care
about his friends.

It was weird.

It’s weird that he’ll probably
be the party’s candidate. (beat)
Just imagine it… President
Knowle Rohrer.

And for a beat, John and Dana “imagine it.” They burst out into laughter.

I think the fame and
recognition is getting
to his head.

Not surprising.

You still thinking about a
run at the Oval one day?

John raises his brow in consideration.

I don’t know, Dana. On one
hand, this country means so
much to me, but on the other…

John glances down at Will’s baseball bat.

… little league baseball.

Dana smiles. She knows in her heart that if it came down to serving their country as the President and First Lady of the United States of America, and little league baseball, that John most definitely would choose spending more time with his family.

But then again… to be President,
that would trump getting promoted
as the Director of the FBI.

Then again… maybe John is still young enough to have ambitious career goals. Time will tell, and the way things are going, there’s no reason to worry about being in the public spotlight.

SUDDENLY! They hear Katie SCREAM in the kitchen! John and Dana run to see what has happened, and upon entering the kitchen, they see the head of Fox Mulder poking into the room through the itty bitty teeny tiny doggy door!

I’m stuck.

Hmmm… Dana wonders if Buddy’s WOOF! from earlier was him trying to tell her that Mulder was stuck in said doggy door.

Where’s Alex?

Outside. He pulled off
my boots trying to get
me out of the doggy door.

John closes his eyes and lets out a sigh of frustration. Why do Mulder and Krycek insist on making his life so difficult? Are they really this moronic, or do they behave this way on purpose in order to get Dana to mother them?

He watches as his wife kneels next to Mulder and pets him on the top of his head, telling him that everything will be all right, and that they’ll get him unstuck. That right there is yet another example of why he thinks Mulder (and Krycek) will never act their age. Dana has treated them like little kids for far too long. He thinks, no, he knows that they regress whenever they’re around her.

The subject of Mulder and Krycek being mothered by Dana is another common argument that he and Dana have.

John opens the back door, Mulder moves forward with the door.


John rolls his eyes.

Krycek is in the back yard, making a snow angel in the deep snow. He has Mulder’s boots in his hands. John steps outside, and approaches Krycek.


Krycek whips around, startled at John’s manly man voice!

Oh! Hey Johnny boy!
Good to see ya! How was
the sexy sexytimes with ye
ol’ ball an’ chain last night?
Did ya humpity-hump her?

Why do you insist on being disgusting?

I don’t know. (beat) Why do you
insist on being an uptight… an
uptight… uptight something or other?!
(beat) I just wanna make sure my
mommy figure is getting herself a
little sumthin’ sumthin’, if you know
what I mean. (he winks) Nyyyarrrrgh!

Help me get Mulder unstuck from
the dog door. (beat) I’ll pull, and
you’ll go inside and push, ok?

Geez, Doggman! And you call
me pervy and disgusting! (beat)
Push (grunts) pull (grunts) push-

- Cut it out, Krycek.

Krycek walks back toward the house, and goes inside. John rolls his eyes, looks to the heavens above, and counts to five before walking back. It’s been twenty years of this Mulder and Krycek bullshit. If Dana hadn't been an agent assigned to the X-Files all those years ago, he's certain that he would have requested reassignment to friggin' Alaska after his first month on the job!

John goes to Mulder, and he takes hold of his ankles.

Alex? You ready?

Sure thang, Dawg!

Ok, on the count of three,
push! One, two, three!

John starts pulling at Mulder’s ankles, and inside the house, sitting on the floor next to Mulder, eating a banana (that Scully gave him), is Krycek. He’s not pushing to try to get Mulder out of the dog door.

Ok, I think he budged a
bit, Dogg boy! One more
push an’ pull, ok?!

(from outside)
Ok! Go!

Krycek takes another bite out of the banana, finishes it, stands up and throws it away in the trash can underneath the kitchen sink. Outside, John is grunting, groaning, and moaning as he tries to (unknowingly) single-handedly unstick Mulder from the dog door.

(cracking himself up)
Maybe we need some lube!
Got any K-Y pleasure gel?

John’s grunting and groaning continues as Mulder slowly starts to slip out of the dog door. Krycek’s eyes go wide, and he rushes to Mulder (who gives him a look, but doesn’t tattle tale on him), and barely gets to touching him to try to push him out of the door before John succeeds and Mulder pops out.

Hehe! The doggy door
gave birth to me!

Krycek opens the back door, and wipes his brow with his forearm, pretending that “pushing Mulder” took a lot of hard work and effort on his part.

Whew! That was hard!

Dana reenters the kitchen, having left to go stop Will from moving furniture in the living room to make an indoor baseball field.

Oh, good! You got Mulder out.

Krycek turns around, all proud-like, and pounds his chest like Tarzan.

It took all my muscles to get
Mulder out of that conundrum.
I can’t believe how wimpy
Doggett is! Geez! He can’t
even do twenty pushups without
exhausting himself, I caught
him once, almost passed out on
the floor in the office.

It was one-hundred twenty
pushups, you moron, and I
got up to help you because
you tripped on your own
shoelaces in the hallway.

John walks into the kitchen, giving a look to Dana. He’s not 100% sure, but he thinks that Krycek barely helped him at all. Mulder follows behind him, beaming with his usual happiness at seeing his friends.

Ok! So now what?!

So… why are you two here?

Mulder and Krycek grin and don’t answer her question. They really don’t know why they’re there, just that they’re there.

Mulder wraps his arms around the shoulders of both Doggett and Krycek, a smile beaming on his face. Doggett looks disgruntled, and for some unknown reason Krycek decides to wave at Scully while licking his lips and winking at her. She rolls her eyes.


2:14 P.M.

Monica lies in bed, naked, under her bedsheets. It’s been an exhausting morning of Knowle’s campaign rallies, autograph signings, and being hounded by the intrusive press.

After Knowle had shook his last hand, held his last baby, and posed with his last selfie of the day, he decided that he needed to go into his office to do some more work for his campaign. He needs to go over candidates he’s considering to ask to run with him as his Vice Presidential running mate. He has a list of at least twenty men and women that he is considering, and he knows that he wants to officially announce his running mate in five months at the Republican National Convention in San Antonio.

Monica rolls onto her side, and stares out the open window. It is such a beautiful winter day outside. Maria Mulder dropped by with her daughter, Pookalina Shmi, and Marita’s children, “Martin” and Sasha Baby, and took Monica and Knowle’s kids to the park to go sledding, and make snowmen. So not only can Monica relax in bed, in the nude, as she liked to do (before kids), but it is finally absolutely silent in the apartment. She took the phone off the hook, and even decided to not listen to any music. She smiles.

We hear soft footsteps behind her, approaching the bed, then the sounds of the sheets ruffling under the weight of someone joining her in bed. An arm drapes over Monica’s nude torso, an arm of a woman.

Hmm… have you recovered yet?

Monica turns and faces Marita Covarrubias, the two kiss, eyes closed, and with tongue. Marita’s hand moves to caress Monica’s breast.

WHAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!?! B-b-b-b-but… wait just one minute here!

Isn’t Marita involved (on-again-off-again-on-again-off-again-style) with Krycek?!

And isn’t Monica MARRIED (!!) to Knowle Rohrer, Republican candidate for President of the United States!

What in the name of FRVS is this sizzling scandal?!

Do Krycek and Knowle even know about this?! And if they did, would that ruin Krycek forever, knowing that "his" Marita Lynn was with a woman? Or would he not “get it” and wiggle his eyebrows at how hot it is that Marita was naked with another woman. And what about Knowle? He’s running for effing President of the United States! Pfffttttt!!! Soda-flying-out-of-our-nostrils WTF! This kind of scandal, his wife having a lesbian affair, would certainly ruin his chances at the White House!

Monica pulls out of their kiss, and wraps her leg around Marita’s.

Mmm… Recovered… for now…

Marita smiles, and moves her hand from Monica’s breast down to rest in between her legs, gently fondling her. Monica closes her eyes, enjoying Marita’s expert touch. Marita leans toward Monica and kisses her again. For a few beats it seems as if the two of them are well on their way to making love with each other again, but then Monica pulls away.


Marita runs her hand through Monica’s hair.

It’s this whole Presidential
campaign thing. (beat) I…

Marita nods, she knows where this is going.

And you’re thinking
that we should stop-

- Not should, Marita. We
have to stop this. The press
is getting more and more
intrusive every day, and a
lesbian sex scandal…

Monica trails off. She knows full-well that a sex scandal would signal the very end of Knowle’s chances at winning the Presidential election this coming November. While Knowle is her husband, and the father to their children, he is also in the public spotlight, and each and every single time that she and Marita sneak around, she puts his entire campaign at risk.

Obviously, their marriage is not in the best of places right now, but that doesn’t mean that she no longer loves her husband. She just… she’s just sick and tired of men!

Knowle’s alpha-male approach to his campaign kicked in bisexual tendencies she didn’t even know she had! And with Marita on a “I hate men!” kick herself (after yet another on-again-off-again bout with Krycek), and one drunken night together, shooting pool, at Manner’s Bar, which led them into each other’s arms (and bed), it was only natural for Marita to want to see what the fuss is all about with being with a woman.

While Monica feels guilty about her affair, she’s also thankful for Marita for helping ease her tension. Ever since Knowle began campaigning for President, almost a year and a half ago, they have been together as “man and wife” exactly one time. And that one time really pissed her off, upon his climax Knowle had said “Dana,” instead of “Monica.” I mean, WTF is that about?! He’s also appeared in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, posing with models, believing doing so would help win over men who were considering siding with the Democrats this time around. Monica can’t understand how posing with half nude women would help his candidacy. It infuriated her actually. She thinks he only did the shoot because he was being a perv.

All Monica can hope for is that Knowle chooses a running mate who can set her husband straight!


Marita caresses Monica’s shoulder. The two of them have known each other for almost twenty years now. They had been roommates before (also with Scully), but they hadn’t actually been that close. They were friends, but not best friends. They’ve gotten closer in the past year (obviously!). They’ve only been sleeping together for a couple months, but before that they began shopping together, play tennis together, have play dates for their kids together, they’d go out for lunch a couple times a week, even discuss how much they miss Scully’s company and how they wish Scully would ditch her family once in awhile to join them on Girls Night Out Thursdays.

Monica sits up in bed, covering herself with the sheet. She looks down at Marita, with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

We have to end this now.

Marita is quiet, unsure what this means for their friendship.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy
what we do together, it’s
that I… I’m married to
Knowle Rohrer, Presidential
candidate, and I don’t want
to be the reason he doesn’t win.

And what if he doesn’t
win? Then what?

I don’t know.

Truth is, Monica wants to try to make her marriage to Knowle work. He was the man who understood her the best, he helped her heal after she came back from being a test subject at a Syndicate facility. She left Brad Follmer for him, called off their wedding, on their wedding day. She can’t help but hope that Knowle loses the election. He’s let power get to him, he’s President Douglas’ Vice President. He’s let fame get to him as well.

Everywhere he goes women want to be near him, want to touch him, want to be in pictures with him. She’s even seen women throw their panties at him during campaign rallies (which cause his Democratic opponent, Ms. Shane Vansen, to voice concern over what kind of Presidential candidate would tolerate that kind of behaviour at rallies). The news media is always quick to defend Knowle though, he can’t control what his supporters do at his rallies. He doesn’t encourage women to throw their panties and bras at him.

I mean… I still wouldn’t mind
being with a man again. Maybe
not Alex again, but a mature man.
A man like John, you know?

John… he really would be the
best husband, wouldn’t he?

Marita nods her head.

Dana’s got him though.

Lucky girl. (beat) Imagine having
a man who isn’t obsessed with
his public image.

Or isn’t so egotistical that
he thinks he used to be a
really famous rap star.

A man who called you
sweetheart instead of
‘come here, baby.’

A man who didn’t call his
package a Russian Love Gun…

The two women take a moment to wonder what it’s like to be married to John Doggett. They let out dreamy sighs at the exact same time.

The thing is that I want to
figure out how to make my
marriage work. (beat) I
want Knowle to go back to
being the man I married.

I just want Alex to grow up.
(beat) I still love that little bastard.

I still love Knowle.

The two women look at one another, knowing that their little fling is ending.

We can never let anyone
know about us.

Monica eyes Marita, she’s just barely clothed in an untied white silk bathrobe… The temptation to have one last roll in the hay with Marita is too enticing to ignore.


Monica moves toward Marita, and wraps her arm around her waist, inside the bathrobe, and she pulls her down onto the bed with her, kissing her neck.

One last time, ok?

Marita grins.

One last time…

Marita closes her eyes and enjoys the sensation of Monica’s mouth on her breasts. Yes, one last time is a very, very good idea. The best idea.

Why couldn’t Krycek be this kind of lover?

You would think him being such a perv would make him an excellent lover, right?

Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Marita can list on one hand, in order of worst to best, the lovers she’s had… Walter Skinner, Knowle Rohrer, and Monica. And even then the "worst" was very, very good.

Maybe next time she hooks up with Krycek she’ll finally burst his ego and tell him that he needs to sex her up better! And she’d actually teach him everything that she actually enjoys in bed, instead of letting him think that his weird-ass kinky acts actually feel good!

After all these years, doesn’t he deserve to know what she really likes in bed?

Marita still can’t believe that Krycek co-wrote a sexual positions book with Scully! Hmm… she wonders if Scully would be as good a lover as Monica has been. Maybe she’ll ask Doggett about how Scully is as a lover one day. Or maybe she’ll just drop by the local book shop on her way home today, and pick up some of Leyla Harrison’s Mulder and Scully romance (erotic!) novels, that might be able to satisfy her newfound curiosity about Scully!


6:43 P.M.

John stands, leaning up against the house, sipping on a mug of hot chocolate as he watches Mulder and Krycek play in the snow in the back yard. They’re building an igloo, and breaking out into sporadic snowball fights whenever one of Krycek’s snow angels is threatened.

A moment ago they were talking about how excited they are that they get to spend the night and watch some “Star Wars” movies with Katie and Will. He wonders if Dana invited them over for this sleepover, and if so, why she didn’t mention it to him earlier.

He watches as Krycek and Mulder lie down in the snow and flap their arms and legs about to create more snow angels. It still baffles him that these two grown men behave like children. He knows Mulder can be serious, but can Krycek? He’s not sure.

He and Mulder have talked about Krycek before. The man has loved one woman, Marita Covarrubias, and the theory goes that he’s had so many heart breaks over that woman that it caused him to forever pretend to be childish.

John can’t help but wonder what would happen to Krycek if he were to fall in love with a woman who would treat him right. Marita’s a good friend, but she and Alex do not make sense to him. She belittles him, and uses his love for her against him. That’s not right.

Hell, he even worked (pro bono <--- try explaining that term to Alex Krycek! Actually, you can read all about that here!) as  Krycek’s divorce lawyer when he and Marita got divorced a few years back. He learned a lot more about their volatile relationship during that time. And unfortunately for Krycek, Marita had too much dirt on him, and was able to get custody of their children. Krycek has visitation rights, of course, but mostly on weekends.

It’s even weirder that Mulder’s married to Maria, Marita’s twin sister, and that since the divorce Krycek has been living with them in their apartment (42!) in Alexandria.

It makes him wonder what that situation would be like. Like, what if Dana had a twin sister, and her twin sister were married to, or sleeping around with Knowle or Skinner… that would seriously weird him out, but with Mulder and Krycek, apparently, it's a non-issue.

(out of nowhere)
What’cha thinking’?

She’s standing right next to him, grinning up at him, trying to figure out the expression on his face. He has no idea how long she’s been standing next to him, but she’s bundled up in her winter coat, and sipping on her own mug of hot chocolate.

How I’m glad you’re not a twin.

Are you so sure about that?

She raises an eyebrow, and smiles mysteriously at him. He can tell she is hoping he’ll fall for this attempt to convince him that she has a twin sister again.

Oh, right… Danielle, your
uh… twin sister, the waitress…

He winks at Dana, remembering the time she worked at a coffee shop and pretended to be her “twin sister,” a waitress named Danielle, which he had asked out on a date. She used that fake name because she was embarrassed that she was waitressing at the coffee shop as extra credit for a cooking class she was enrolled in.

Or Danielle the girl you fell in
love with at that Christmas party…

Dana goes up on her toes and kisses John on the lips.

(whisper, seductive)
You know, Johnny…

She caresses his bicep, gently running her fingers up and down the sleeve of his winter coat. She nibbles at his ear, a well-known (between the two of them) erogenous zone for him.

(whisper, seductive)
I didn’t know how lost
I was until I found you…

She nibbles at his ear again, and just as John turns to wrap his arms around her waist, SUDDENLY Mulder and Krycek’s sweaty, booger-frozen, cold, red faces are up in their faces!


Dana steps away from John, glancing down at his jeans and sees that just a little bit of seductive whispering and a little ear nibbling have brought on a bulge in his pants.

(to John, turning him toward the house)
Johnny, why don’t you go inside
and help Katie and Will set the table.
(whispers) Take a cold shower.

She winks at him, lightly slapping his ass. He goes inside. A cold shower is needed indeed!

She turns her attention back to the boys. Placing her hands on her hips.

I suppose you want to
stay over for dinner?

They nod their heads at the exact same time, with doofy grins on their faces. FOOD! They’re hungry!

Ok, after John gets out of
the shower, you two can
get washed up.

Off the stupid looks on their faces that indicate something stupid is brewing between them-

You’ll get washed up separately.

Awwww… chucks!

We wanted a Splish Splash
Bath Time War again.


And you could lather up
our hair in Johnson and
Johnson baby shampoo!

Dana gives them a look, and they give each other a look.

(purposely annoying)

She doesn’t argue being called “mommy,” she only sighs and walks quietly back into the house. Dammit! The boys have really, really taken to calling her “mommy” more often than they have in the past. She really should talk to them about not doing that anymore, but she’s afraid that telling them this would only upset them, and if there's one thing you do not want to deal with it is Mulder and Krycek (pretending to be) upset at the exact same time.

She walks into the dining room and sees that Katie and Will have set the table for dinner, and are sitting on the couch in the living room, watching TV, she hears the beginning music of John Williams’ “Star Wars” theme! SUDDENLY Mulder and Krycek run right past her, almost knocking her down, and plop on the couch next to Katie and Will (wet melting snow clothes and all!).

I’m going upstairs to check
on your dad, I’ll be down
soon and I want the movie
off during dinner, ok?

No one acknowledges her, and with Mulder and Krycek here, and “Star Wars” playing on TV… she doesn’t expect anyone to listen to her. She heads up the stairs, and hears the shower running. She grins, and looks back at the four sitting on the couch, completely enthralled by “Star Wars.” Hmmm…

She enters into hers and John’s bedroom, and shuts and locks the door. She kicks off her shoes, and undresses herself as she approaches the bathroom. John is in the shower, his head under a cold stream of water, letting the ice cold water run all over his body. With a mischievous smile, she reaches over to the temperature control, and turns the water to hot, and steps in with him. Startling him just a bit (Mulder and Krycek are in their house after all). She wraps her arms around him, and kisses his back.


He turns around to face her, there’s actually a look of fear in his eyes! He must have really thought Krycek had hopped into the shower with him! Haha!


(whispering loudly)
The kids are downstairs!

I know…

She reaches over and grabs her favorite body wash, Le Petit Marseillais: Vanilla Milk, pouring it into her hands and starts rubbing it all over John’s chest, and his abdomen, and then whoopsie! she starts slowly stroking him in his naughty place! His eyes go wide!

(struggling to not get aroused)
Dana… what if they… and
with the boys here…

He tilts his head to the side, and closes his eyes – her touch feels good, but fooling around right now would be wrong. So wrong! What if they heard them downstairs?!

And with Krycek’s
weird Sex Radar?

Imitating how Krycek reacts (with his so-called Sex Radar) when he thinks or knows someone nearby is having sex, John puts his wrist to his forehead and and spreads his fingers. Dana rolls her eyes, she doesn’t believe for one second that Krycek actually has an internal “Sex Radar” that can detect if anyone is getting their sex on nearby.

They’re watching Star Wars.
We just have to be quiet. (beat)
Plus, I locked the door…

She kisses his neck and continues lathering him up. He gives in to her for a moment, and then turns around, and holds her by the shoulders. She stops kissing him, and looks up at him, with disappointment.

What now?

I’m just not comfortable
doing this with the kids-

Dana nudges him aside angrily, and starts rinsing her hair under the running water. How bloody typical! The kids are always his excuse.

The kids are always going
to be home, John. (beat) I know
it’s not easy to find the time
to have sex, but we can’t just
stop having it until after the
kids move out and go to college.

It’s not that I don’t want to it’s
not the right time or place.

She pours a two-in-one shampoo/conditioner into her hands and lathers it up in her hair. He knows that she’s upset with him, angry even. She turns her back to him and rinses her hair. John lets out a sigh, and rubs his hand on his forehead. Here goes yet another fight.

So until Will turns eighteen,
and moves out, goes to collage,
we’ll just be celibate, is that it?

She sounds like she’s going to cry. John pours some of her vanilla body wash into his hands, and starts rubbing it on her shoulders, massaging her. He does not want to fight with her about this. They can talk this out without raised voices.

He feels that her muscles are tense, and he takes it as a good sign that she isn’t pushing him away from her. He wraps his arms around her, and rests his chin on her shoulder.

He and Dana have been a couple for fifteen years, their thirteenth wedding anniversary is coming up this June. They’ve been through rough times before, but never have they faced a time when they weren’t always getting along. They love each other, there’s no doubt in either of them about that, but despite that, this is the rockiest their relationship has ever been. He wishes he knew how to make things go back to how they were before they returned to the FBI, but he doesn’t.

(whispers in her ear)
I want you, Dana.

Her heartbeat stops, and tears sting her eyes. He hasn’t told her this in a very long time. She feels his arms tighten around her, she turns, and she brings her arms up to hold onto him too. The warm stream of water from the showerhead hides her tears from him, but he doesn’t have to see her tears to know they’re there. He kisses her on the cheek. She looks up into his eyes. She wants to say something to him, but cannot find the words.

Johnny, I…

She feels guilty for trying to seduce him unexpected.

I just wanted to believe that
my resignation from the FBI
would fix everything right away.

Me too, but I think we need to
ease back into it, sweetheart.
(beat) How about later tonight,
after the kids are asleep-

- All four of them?

John smiles, and laughs. He nods his head.

Yes, all four of them. (beat)
How about I give you a
full body massage?

She nods her head, and wipes the tears from her eyes, even though the shower water has washed them away.

Let’s finish getting washed up,
go have dinner, watch Star Wars,
and then set the kids up downstairs
in the basement for their sleepover.

Dana has no clue that John has been reading up on erotic massages, he’s put one of his Tom Clancy dust jackets on the erotic massage book that he bought a few weeks back, to disguise it from her.

You invited Mulder and Krycek
to stay the night?

She raises her eyebrow.

No… I thought you did.

She shakes her head “no.” It looks like Mulder and Krycek invited themselves over for the night!



Knowle Rohrer has just arrived home from work. If we were in the room with him we would notice he smells of brandy and cigars. He shuts the door and locks it behind him. He throws his car keys onto the coffee table in the living room. He sees Monica standing outside on their balcony, smoking a cigarette. She’s left the balcony door open, and the winter air blows through their apartment.

Hmm, he thought she stopped smoking years ago. He takes off his jacket, and throws it onto the couch, and loosens his tie. He makes his way out to the balcony to join his wife.

The balcony door opens, and Monica looks back at him, putting out her cigarette on the ledge.

Kids not home tonight?

No. They got invited over to
Maria’s for a sleepover
with Pookalina Shmi.

Knowle notices her body language. Something is bothering her.

You’re not upset that
I worked all day, are you?


She turns away from him and wants to take another drag off her cigarette, but she put it out. Knowle stands next to her and they look out on the Washington D.C. skyline together, their apartment has a great view of the Capitol building.

We are going over to
John and Dana’s tomorrow
for her birthday, right?

I have nothing else
on my schedule.

Hmph! Monica can’t help but think “sure, you’ll clear your schedule for Dana!”

I actually heard a rumor that things
aren’t going too well for them.

Monica looks at him, is he serious?!

Might even be headed to divorce.

Who told you that?!

Shannon. Who heard it from
Krycek, who eavesdropped
in on a conversation little miss
Katie was having with Mulder.

Oh my god…

She had no idea that John and Dana were having issues that would get their kids upset about the idea of them getting a divorce, to the point where Katie would be talking to Mulder about it.

I know. (beat) Of course, not
all couples are as strong as
you and I, right? (beat) Not
even the infallible Doggetts.

What do you think happened?

If I had to guess, one of them
cheated on the other. (beat)
We know John cheated the
last time he was married, and
it’s not like Dana’s so innocent.

Monica looks away, hit with a sudden pang of guilt about her own extramarital affair with Marita Covarrubias. Knowle whips out his smart phone and pokes around on the screen for a few seconds. He then leans over the balcony’s edge, holding his phone out for Monica to see.

On the screen, typed in a memo reads: “Knowle bets Monica $500 that John and Dana will fuck up their marriage.” Monica looks at him, disgusted that he kept that on record. They jokingly made that bet years ago when they lived on The Pequod!


I like to win.

He holds his free hand out to her.

Fork it over, Mon’. I won that bet.

You don’t know for sure.
You’re basing your perceived
win on a rumor!

She lightly punches Knowle on the arm, and he pulls her to him and gives her one hell of a good kiss, a kiss that makes her wonder why she ever hooked up with Marita in the first place! It’s so good that even he gets caught up in it, and drops his phone to the ground. He picks Monica up in his arms, and carries her inside their apartment and into their bedroom, and onto their bed. He fully intends on making up to her the time he didn’t spend with her earlier today, in bed, naked, and with lots and lots of sweating and moaning.


1:16 A.M.

Krycek and Will are fast asleep in their Star Wars tauntaun sleeping bags. Unable to catch their Zs, Mulder and Katie are curled up on the couch, talking.

The funny thing about you being
born on an air-craft carrier is that
when your mommy went into labor,
Alex pretended to go into labor too.

Because he doesn’t like it when
other people get more attention, right?
But how does an air-craft carrier
make that funny?

So in the particular area
of the ship, where you were born,
there are these air vents, and your
Uncle Alex was so loud, wailing
in pain from his “contractions,” that
everyone, who was awake at the
time, heard him complaining about
how painful birth giving was.

But… boys don’t give birth.

Sometimes we wonder if he
realizes that fact.

He has to. He can’t
possibly be that stupid.


They’re quiet for a few beats, contemplating how much Krycek pretends to not know about basic, common knowledge, facts of life.

Mom told me that I don’t have
to worry about her and dad
getting a divorce.

Mulder nods his head, he’s glad to hear that Katie managed to talk to her mom about her fears. SUDDENLY, in his sleep, Krycek sits straight up and places his wrist to his forehead, and spreads his fingers: his "Sex Radar." Mulder and Katie glance over at him.

What’s he doing?

(rut roh!)
I don’t know.

He’s lying. Mulder knows perfectly well that this wrist-to-forehead thing is Krycek’s internal “Sex Radar,” whenever he hits this silly position it means that someone nearby is fooling around, or having sexual relations. It’s more obnoxious when he’s awake though, when he’s sleeping Krycek doesn’t make “nyargh, nyaaaargh, hehehehehehehe” pervy sounds. From upstairs they hear Dana moan with delight, Mulder’s eyes BUG WIDE OPEN! He hopes Katie didn’t hear that!

What was that? Are
they fighting again?

Mulder looks at his eleven year old niece and shakes his head.

No, Katie. They’re not fighting.
(beat) They’re uh… making up.

Katie’s nose wrinkles, ewwww! They hear another delightful moan from Dana, followed by what could only be an aroused giggle.

Mulder, trying not to be obvious, places both his hands over Katie’s ears to save her virgin ears!



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