We hear the familiar sound of keyboard keys clicking...
That's not it.
Then you do it doo-hike.
(in the distance)
I think I found it.
INT - THE LONE GUNMEN OFFICE - DAY
We see LANGLEY and FROHIKE crowded around the
computer with ACCESS DENIED on the screen flashing at them in bright
red text color. Byers is approaching them with a piece of paper in
his hands. He stops next to Frohike who grabs the piece of paper away
from him and pushes Langley out of the seat.
My Kung Fu is the best.
He punches in a few numbers and it works!! Langley
turns to Byers:
Where'd you find that?
Byers stands there and shrugs his shoulders.
Too fricken amazing.
(to Langley and Byers)
Hey, hey... look at all the
transactions he's made.
(points to screen)
He's got some big deposits.
(out of nowhere)
Hong Kong, Tunisia, Paris,
Moscow, London, Singapore ...
geez this guy gets around!
How much do we need out?
Langley runs over to another computer, we see
a cruise boat graphic on the screen and the words "HAWAII"...
Langley works his way around the site and makes one final click...
And the magic number is?
(holding up Krycek's credit card)
... and the expiration date?
BINGO! All charges are accepted!
Our tickets should be here in
Off their evil happy looks we FADE OUT:
INT - AIRPLANE - ONE WEEK LATER
13 OCTOBER 2000
Ok, where are we
California. We're gonna
check out some hotties...
we're going on a cruise.
Off Mulder's confused, yet satisfied expression,
EXT - CALIFORNIA PIER - DAY
CAMERA ANGLE BEHIND...
Mulder, Frohike, Langely and Byers.
Mulder is still dressed in his work suit and
goofy tie, Byers has white tennis shoes and socks, tan khaki shorts
and a Hawaiian t-shirt. Frohike is wearing flower printed neon pink
pants with a yellow t-shirt. Langely is a bit more normal in jeans
and a Dogstar (Keanu Reeves' band) t-shirt...
WE PAN UP FROM BEHIND THIS SILLY VIEW and see
Krycek, Marita, Scully and Skinner, about 20 feet ahead of them.
Krycek is wearing Khaki shorts with Hawaiian
blue background with orange flower prints on it and sexy sunglasses.
Marita is wearing a white casual dress that is not at all skimpy,
her hair is in a ponytail. Skinner is in the mood for the tropics
and is wearing a white tank top with a Hawaiian print button up shirt
that he hasn't buttoned up and it is flowing in the wind, and a baseball
cap, he is smiling with his arm around Scully, she is wearing a one
piece bright green swim suit with a black background red flower wrap
around skirt (long).
Mulder looks at them and then at the Lone Gunmen
and feels out of place, out of the corner of his eye he notices a
small souvenir shop and he walks over and buys a "Hawaii or Bust"
t-shirt... and puts it on over his nice suit.
INT - CRUISE BOAT - HALLWAY - A DECK
The Lone Gunmen go off to their own room (they
seem very excited about the whole cruise boat thing, their silly chatter
blending in together), Scully and Marita go to their room and Mulder,
Krycek and Skinner go to theirs (they are roommates). Everyone is
EXT - POOL - DAY
SPLASH!!!! Water is everywhere as Mulder and
Langley battle out who can make the largest cannonball splash from
the diving board, other kids on the cruise join them... it looks silly.
(yelling at Mulder & Langley)
Would you two stop that!
You're getting my hair wet!
SPLASH!!! Mulder makes a splash that completely
soaks Krycek, Mulder surfaces, laughing, fills his mouth up with water
and spits it out at Krycek.
Good one Mulder!!
(to Mulder, very pissed)
Ok (takes off glasses)
that's it! (strips off his
tight wet shirt)
Krycek dives into the water after Mulder. Marita
and Scully exchange glances. Both enjoying the manlihood that is Krycek.
With this boyish play going on, Skinner, the
grownup appears, not wearing any sunscreen or sunglasses. Scully noticing
Walter... you're gonna
Scully flirtatiously stands up and puts sunscreen
on her finger and playfully wipes it on Skinner's nose. We see arms
and legs and water splashing in the Background, Mulder and Krycek
are fighting. There is some shouting of Russian.
(yelling at Krycek, BG)
Stop it Krycek!
(splashes water at him, Krycek
charges at him, and takes him under)
As Mulder and Krycek continue to fight in the
Background, Skinner bends down and kisses Scully on the cheek.
INT - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
A live pianist is playing "I Will Always
Love You", recognizing the song, Mulder turns to Krycek:
Hey! Remember the time
when you ... sang?!
Instantaneously we hear Skinner SNORT in the
background, trying not to laugh.
('why would you think that?' tone)
I do NOT sing, Mulder.
Mulder turns to Skinner and whispers:
He was really wasted.
Byers approaches Mulder and asks him to step
outside for a moment, he has a question about aliens and conspiracies...
Mulder very much entertained with this agrees and he leaves the room
with Byers. Scully carefully watches them leave the room and when
they are out of ear shot she yells:
We PULL BACK as everyone hides in the room, we
see Frohike switch off the lights and run to a corner.
10 MINUTES LATER
Mulder and Byers return to the dining room, it
is dark and seems to be empty.
What'd they do?
Blow a fuse?
I think there is a
light switch over here.
Byers takes a few steps away and FLIPS on a switch,
SUDDENLY A LOUD SHOUTS OF "Surprise Happy Birthday!!!" are
heard and confetti is thrown at Mulder, Byers is in the corner clapping
and smiling at his friend. Mulder at first is confused, then realizing
it is his birthday, a GOOFY GRIN comes across his face.
Aww... you guys remembered...
Skinner goes over and gives Mulder a 'manly'
Happy Birthday Agent Mulder.
Mulder receives pats on his back as he is lead
to the front of the room, where there is a LARGE BIRTHDAY CAKE, with
candles '3' and '1' lit.
I'm so old you can't
even put 31 on the cake
without making it a firehazard.
Everyone laughs at his lame joke, you have to
admit he is funny.
They all sing "Happy Birthday" to him
and he blows out the candles. From all the laughing and talking we
FROHIKE'S FACE. WE PAN BACK to reveal a bright
green pink polka dotten dinosaur tube around Frohike's waist, we PAN
FURTHER BACK to reveal yellow flippers on Frohike's feet. A serious
Frohike wades into the POOL. SUDDENLY a light from above is turned
on, scared out of his swim trunks, Frohike remains still, not moving
like a scared hamster there are camera flashes and laughter coming
from Krycek. Krycek is surrounded by everyone that was in the dining
room, they are all laughint at him.
Alex... give me
They you'll be
sleeping alone tonight.
Krycek quickly hands over the camera... he's
a man. As they all watch Frohike scramble away, the NOSES OF MULDER
AND KRYCEK smell the familiar smell of ... MAGAZINES!
The CAMERA PANS OVER to reveal MAGAZINE GIRL
#1 AND MAGAZINE GIRL #2, looking as ditzy as can be.
MAGAZINE GIRL #1
Which one of you is
Mulder looks at Krycek, disgusted that this thing
knows his name and he points at Krycek and says to MAGAZINE GIRL #1:
(pointing at Krycek)
He's Fox Mulder!
MAGAZINE GIRL #1 and MAGAZINE GIRL #2 go over
to Krycek and start to gently caress his arms and face...
MAGAZINE GIRL #2
(to Krycek, seductively)
Happy Birthday Fox....
Off this horrible image... and dramatic music,
TO BE CONTINUED ...