A smoke-filled room,
in a place we're not supposed to say...
We hear music from the motion picture Back
To The Future.
From the TV we hear the voice of Michael J. Fox:
"Doc! On the night I go back!..."
The phone rings, interrupting the movie. The
TV is turned off.
An old hand picks up the phone, it is The Cigarette-Smoking
Man, he answers, "Yes.", he takes a drag.
Through the phone we hear the voice of... Alex
"Sir, it's Alex. I've been arrested,"
he hesitates. "with Mulder, we're in Roswell. Mulder tripped
"I'll be there, I just have to finish taking
care fosome official business." The Smoking Man hangs up the
phone and continues watching Back To The Future.
"I've got to pee, so bad." states Mulder.
Mulder stands up and walks over to the urinal.
Krycek puts his face in his hands and mutters:
"This is not happening."
Mulder unzips his pants just as the door opens.
The Cigarette-Smoking Man has arrived. Mulder looks over.
"So that's who you called..." he says.
Krycek quickly stands up and says.
"Get me out."
The Smoking Man looks over at Mulder, who continues
to pee, and understands.
"Has he seen anything he shouldn't have?"
The Smoking Man asks Krycek.
"I made sure he didn't."
"Good. Make sure you leave soon. We don't
want him to stumble across any thing that remains... unfinished."
The Cigarette-Smoking Man turns and signs some
official papers and leaves. Mulder and Krycek are out.
That night at the hotel... the phone rings...
it's Mulder's cell phone.
Mulder answers, on the other end is Scully.
"Mulder, it's me."
"Oh hey Scully!" Mulder covers the
phone and says to Krycek. "Would you turn down the Smurfs."
continuing to Scully, "I'm in Roswell!"
"I don't care, Mulder! Skinner needs you
here in an hour."
"Ok!" Scully hangs up.
Mulder looks at his phone... "whatever."
Later that night....
"Krycek.... wanna go UFO hunting?"
"No." Krycek answers annoyed.
Mulder sits up in his bed and gets out. He goes
over to Krycek's bed... stands on it, and jumps up and down.
"COME ON KRYCEK! IT'S MY DREAM!"
Krycek has had enough. He draws his gun and shoots
at Mulder. Mulder falls off the bed in fear and whacks Krycek as the
Mulder gets up, draws his gun, because Krycek
still has his aimed at him. They both stand thereaiming their guns
at eachother, staring eachother down.
There is a knock at the door. The door opens
before they can do anything. The owner of the hotel walks in and sees
them both standing there. Suddenly, Mulder turns around, sees teh
ownder, and like a flying squirrel, jumps onto his bed, gun still
exposed, and pretends to sleep... as if he has the whole time...
The owner looks around the room. The first thing
he notices, besides all the bullet holes in the walls, is the TV,
that must have fallen onto the chair (which broke), causing the TV
to crash to the ground and shatter. He sighs a heavy long sigh...
and continues to look at the damage. Now he sees that one of the beds
is broken along with the telephone (that could have only been used
in defence for Mulder, causing the gash in Krycek's head...), the
lamp is shattered, the TV remote control, and some feathers which
could only have come from a pillow. He motions the cops to come and
arrest them. Mulder explains he's an FBI agent. Krycek bursts out:
"I have ID in my bag!"
"This one sir?" asks an officer.
"Sir, did you know it's a crime to impersonate
a Federal Agent?" asks the officer, holding up the 'Mulder FBI
Badge' he bought in a gift shop.
Under his breath, "Oh god..."
"Hands in the air, sir."
Krycek reluctantly raises his hands, still holding
on to his gun. Mulder snickers in the background, and jokingly says,
but the officers take him seriously...
"Hey, there's my badge."
The officers take the gun away from Krycek, handcuff
him and read him his rights. As they push Krycek out of the room,
an officer hands Mulder his 'badge'.
"Here ya go, Agent Mulder. We'll take care
of this punk for ya."
The next morning, in a jail, an officer passes
by Krycek's cell and runs his club across the bars, waking Krycek
up. Krycek looks over to the guard, who is setting a plate full of
crap left for him to eat... suddenly he hears someone peeing in his
cell... he looks over and sees a large, ugly... ah-hem...
Meanwhile, on the road back to DC, driving a
brand new convertible, compliments of the Roswell Police Department,
is Mulder, singing with the radio...
"...don't need money, don't need fame, don't
need no creadit card to ride this train........ that's the power of
love!" sings Mulder as he speeds off...