"Fox & Rat" Virtual Series - Season One

Review By: Cerasi J.

“He's having an identity crisis.”

Mulder has really done it this time! It all starts when Mulder and Krycek are going for a drive, (quite possibly to find some Lucky Charms, perhaps?), and suddenly find themselves in a very strange situation! First poor Mulder must find Sound Stage Five… or was it Three? And what’s with Marita? And Scully? Who is this “Tea” person? And who the hell is “Blue”? What’s happening to our poor, confused heroes? Find out in tonight’s crazy and mind-boggling episode of Fox and Rat!

1x02 "Lucky Charms vs. Cheerios"



 

Title: "Ten-Thirteen"

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Series: FRVS - Episode #004

Written by: Cassie & Kristi

Classification: humor

Rating: PG

Air Date: 31 October 1999

Date Written: 29 October 1999

Summary: Mulder and Krycek on a road trip to nowhere, come across Ten-Thirteen Productions.

Spoilers: None, we try to create our own stuff... but remember sometimes we have to refer to happenings in the actual show "The X-Files."

Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS).

Feedback: foxandratvs@gmail.com

Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series, and Semper Fi only. If you would like to include any of our episodes in your fanfic archive, please contact us at: foxandratvs@gmail.com

Author's Note: Sometimes the actions of these characters are cartoonish in nature. If you actually think that following their horrible example is a good thing to do, we are not responsible for your lack of common sense. The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor.

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FADE IN:

INT. KRYCEK'S CAR - AFTERNOON - MULDER DRIVING
FRIDAY, 15 OCTOBER 1999

It is very, very sunny out and Mulder refuses to put on his sunglasses. He's not in the mood to listen to Krycek today.

KRYCEK
Mulder ... put on
your sunglasses.

MULDER
Han Solo never wore
sunglasses when he
piloted the Falcon.

Mulder looks at him, then looks back at the road, squinting. It's so bright out! He knows he really should listen to Krycek, but he's still irritated about the incident with the Cheerios a month ago! All Krycek buys for them is Cheerios. Not once has Krycek been considerate of his craving for those sweet, sweet marshmallows in the Lucky Charms!

MULDER
(putting his hand in front of his
face to block the sun)
Really, Krycek, it's not that bright.

KRYCEK
Then why are you covering
your eyes with your hands??

MULDER
(takes hands off steering wheel,
and actually covers his eyes)
This is covering my eyes!

KRYCEK
(grabs steering wheel)
MULDER!!

CUT TO:

EXT. TEN-THIRTEEN PRODUCTIONS PARKING LOT - STILL THE AFTERNOON

We see the car screeching to a stop next to some car with flame stickers on the side ...

MULDER
(checking out the car)
Nice flames...

Krycek angrily gets out of the car, slamming the door, looks back in at Mulder, rolls his eyes, says something mean in Russian, but no one understands him. He starts walking toward the building. He starts to approach a security guard ... thinking that he will have to threaten him to get inside.

SECURITY GUARD
Good morning Mr. Lea.

KRYCEK
Uh yeah.
Right buddy.

Mulder finally tries to catch up with Krycek, pulls out his F.B.I. badge, ready to pursue Krycek. Starts running towards the SECURITY GUARD.

MULDER
FBI!! Stop that man!!

SECURITY GUARD
Carter's waiting
Mr. Duchovny.

MULDER
I'm agent Fox Mulder
of the FBI, I'm in pursuit
of that man you just let in here.
Let me in.

SECURITY GUARD
No problem Mr. Duchovny.

CUT TO:

INT. TEN-THIRTEEN PRODUCTIONS

We see CHRIS CARTER hauling his BUTT down the hallway towards MULDER. Krycek is nowhere to be seen. He looks really pissed off.

CARTER
You're late!!

MULDER
I'm Special Agent Fox Mulder-

CARTER
Don't give me that crap David,
this is the third time
this week that you've been late.
You know Gillian isn't happy with this,
She's been here since 6 O'clock this morning
and you come wandering in, pretending to be
Agent Fox Mulder!

MULDER
What do you mean pretending?
I don't think you understand, sir.

Carter looks at him, dumbfounded. He can't believe what he is hearing from "David", he turns around to Joanne Service, and says:

CARTER
(under his breath)
He's having an identity crisis.
(to Mulder)
Get to sound stage 3 in ten minutes.

INT. SOUND STAGE 5 - MULDER - ALONE

Mulder doesn't really care what he is doing. He needs to find Krycek, but he isn't worried that Krycek will drive away, since he has the keys. Mulder notices two women in the background ... he wanders towards them ... as he gets closer, we realize that it's Mimi Rogers and Gillian Anderson, with Piper, they are playing, with David Duchovny's dog, Blue. Mulder approaches them, the dog runs up to him all happy!!

MULDER
(to Blue)
Who are you?

MIMI ROGERS
Where have you been?
Carter's been looking for you.

GILLIAN ANDERSON
David? Aren't you supposed
to be on sound stage three?

MULDER
(looking back and forth
between the two of them)
B-but, Scully ...
a-and (to Mimi, whom he
believes is Diana Fowley) why
you actin' all normal?

Piper stands up, runs towards Mulder, with a piece of paper with colorings all over it.

Piper
DAVID! DAVID!
Look!! I made it for you!!

She hands him the paper. We see two stick people, and a stick figure dog. Must be the Duchovny family portrait. Each figure is labeled ... David, the tall lengthy one; Tea, the short one; Blue, the dog. Mulder graciously accepts the picture, but doesn't get it.

Piper

She looks for a reaction from "David's" face, perhaps for a sign of approval, sees a smile, runs and hugs his leg. In the background we hear someone else enter Sound Stage Five, it is Nicholas Lea, on a break from filming, on Sound Stage Three.

GILLIAN ANDERSON
(to Piper)
Here comes Uncle Nick, Piper.

Piper lets go of "David", and hyperactively runs towards Nick Lea. As she is hugging Nick, Mulder looks at him, suddenly really mad.

MULDER
Krycek!! Arms up against the wall!
(pulls out his gun)

Nicholas LEA
David! Cut it out!

MULDER
Try any of that tailhook
crap on me, Krycek, and I'll
kick your a-

CARTER
David!!

Mulder stops what he is doing, and looks at Carter. Puts his gun away ... he thinks he is dreaming, or dead from falling asleep in the car.

MULDER
(seriously)
Is this Heaven?

Carter totally ignores him, says:

CARTER
This is sound stage five.
(in an 'are psychotic tone')
And what are you doing to Nick?
David, come with me.

INT. TEN-THIRTEEN PRODUCTIONS - THE CRAFT SERVICE TABLE - DAY

On the table we see boxes of donuts, cheese, a toaster, coffee, tea, water, tylenol, chips (of all types), and someone spilled a diet Coke. Oopsie! Krycek walks into the room, he smelled food, he spots a box of Cheerios.

KRYCEK
(looks at the Cheerios)
Someone with good taste.

He picks up a donut, a woman walks in the room, it is Laurie Holden, Krycek smells her perfume, turns around to see who is there. To his surprise, it's "Marita".

LAURIE HOLDEN

Wearing jeans and a t-shirt, hair pulled back in a pony-tail, she just arrived from a jog ... she chugs a glass of water, and gulps it down. Turns to Krycek, and says:

LAURIE HOLDEN
Hi Nick.

KRYCEK
(worried about their relationship)
Marita... who's Nick?

Laurie laughs at him, pats him gently on the cheek.

LAURIE HOLDEN
Get some sleep, Nick.

KRYCEK
Are you okay?
What did they do to you?

LAURIE HOLDEN
Are you practicing new lines?
Is there an update in the script
that I haven't gotten yet?

KRYCEK
Huh?

LAURIE HOLDEN
Ready for our hot scene?

KRYCEK
(happy now)
As always.

Krycek moves closer to Laurie Holden, takes her in his arms ... and kisses her neck.

LAURIE HOLDEN
Nick ... what are you on?!

She pushes him away. And leaves. So Krycek goes back to the food ... he's still worried about his relationship with Marita. In the background we hear someone enter. It is Tea Leoni, David Duchovny's wife. Krycek turns, hoping to see "Marita" again.

TEA LEONI
Nick! Have you seen David?
I left him early this morning
I think he was in the room with Madeline
so I took Blue for a walk, so I decided
to come here to look for him, and
I haven't found him, and I'm hoping
that you have seen him, and what the hell
is he doing leaving without me?
Have you seen Blue? Have you seen George?
Where's Chris? He may know where he is.
Can you hand me a bottle of water?
(Krycek hands her a bottle of water)
You wouldn't believe it, traffic
was terrible this morning.
I was stuck for an hour, I hope David's
alright. What are you doing for dinner?
Maybe you can come over, my mom is in
town and she is cooking up a great Italian
dinner, and I know how much you like Italian
food, so I thought I'd ask you over. OH!
And there's a Knicks game on too, so you can
help David teach Maddy how to be a Knicks fan!!
What do you think?

Krycek just looks at her, he is still trying to remember what her first question was, he is still confused about what just happened with "Marita". Tea continues:

TEA LEONI
So anyways, I think I'll go find
Chris and find out if he knows
where David is. But let me know if you
are coming over. See ya!

INT. TEN-THIRTEEN PRODUCTIONS - HALLWAY - DAY

Krycek is walking in the hallway, eating a glazed donut. He sees Mulder, and drops the donut, pulls out his gun. Mulder doesn't notice him, until he sees his gun. Mulder is just wandering around trying to find Sound Stage Three. He's curious as to why everyone wants him there, and who in the world is this Chris guy, who thinks that he can boss him around, and call him "David". He sees Krycek. He pulls out his gun.

MULDER
(to Krycek)
YOU!

KRYCEK
What's going on?!

MULDER
I don't know!
Where's Sound Stage Three!

KRYCEK
I don't know!
Put your gun away!

MULDER
You pulled your gun on me,
you put it away first!

Krycek cautiously puts his gun away. Watching Mulder the whole time. And Mulder carefully starts to put his gun away, only to drop it ... again.

MULDER
Oh man!

KRYCEK
I saw Marita.
What is she doing here?

MULDER
Scully was talking to Diana Fowley,
some little girl hugged my leg, Scully
told me to go to Sound Stage Three.
Do you think we're in heaven?

KRYCEK
What?

MULDER
I mean, what if I fell
asleep driving, and we didn't
realize it, because we don't know
we're dead, and this is some weird alternate
life, or we're just hallucinating ... but
I don't know why.

KRYCEK
Let's get out of here.

MULDER
Before that psycho-man
comes to find me again.

From Krycek's POV, we see Chris Carter walking towards them, behind Mulder, since he doesn't know that this is the man Mulder is refering to, he doesn't say anything. Tea Leoni is with him too. She walks up behind Mulder, and gives him a hug.

TEA LEONI
Where were you this morning?
I looked all over for you.
Where's Maddy? Don't you have her?

MULDER
Who's ... Maddy?

TEA LEONI
Did you get any sleep
last night?

MULDER
No, my waterbed sprung
a leak.

TEA LEONI
David, we don't have a
waterbed, remember?

MULDER
Who is this David guy?

CHRIS CARTER
Why aren't you two on
Sound Stage Three?
Let's go. We've got deadlines.

Mulder and Krycek decide to follow him to Sound Stage Three, They are curious as to what is going on.

INT. TEN-THIRTEEN PRODUCTIONS - SOUND STAGE THREE - DAY

We see the crew exiting, they are finished filming for the day. Out walks David Duchovny and Nicholas Lea... Chris Carter looks very confused, as does Mulder, Krycek, Tea, and the crew, including David and Nick themselves!

DAVID DUCHOVNY
(looking at Mulder)
Who's this?
My new stunt double?
(to Tea)
Where's Blue, I know you
brought him with you this morning.

Everyone else is pretty quiet, not sure what to make of all this. Tea just looks back and forth from Mulder to David. Nick and Krycek are mimicking each other's movements, like they are a mirror.

CHRIS CARTER
(to Mulder and Krycek)
Who are you guys?!

KRYCEK
Krycek.
Alex Krycek.
(puts out his hand)

Chris Carter doesn't shake his poor little hand. Krycek frowns, why won't anyone shake his hand? Does he have Cooties or something? We don't think so!! We would shake his hand any day!!

As Mulder and Krycek are being escorted out of the building, we hear a truck horn blowing!!!!

CUT TO:

INT. KRYCEK'S CAR - MULDER FALLING ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL - DAY

The horn is getting louder! Krycek comes back to reality, away from his bizarre dream, and realizes that there is a big semi-truck coming at them. Mulder has dozed off too.

KRYCEK
MULDER!!

MULDER
(wakes up)
Huh? (beat)
OOHHHHHHHHHH!!

They make it out of that situation safely, but Krycek's car is another story, as Mulder swerves into a bunch of bushes.

MULDER
(to Krycek)
That was a close one.

They look at each other, and let out sighs of relief.

MULDER/KRYCEK
(at the exact same time)
I just had the weirdest dream!

FADE OUT:

THE END


 

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