Title: "Lucky Charms vs. Cheerios"
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Series: FRVS - Episode #003
Written by: Cassie & Kristi
Air Date: 24 October 1999
Date Written: ≈ July 1998
Summary: Mulder and Krycek argue over what cereal to get...
Spoilers: None, we try to create our own stuff... but remember sometimes we have to refer to happenings in the actual show "The X-Files."
Disclaimer: "The X-Files" and its characters belong to 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. If you recognize it, it's not our own creation. Original characters belong to Cassie and Kristi (FRVS).
Archiving: "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series, and Semper Fi only. If you would like to include any of our episodes in your fanfic archive, please contact us at: email@example.com
Author's Note: Sometimes the actions of these characters are cartoonish in nature. If you actually think that following their horrible example is a good thing to do, we are not responsible for your lack of common sense. The personalities of the characters within the world of "Fox & Rat" are not those you know from "The X-Files" television series. We have warped them and given them a common past, immature behavior and a sense of humor.
Warning... we wrote this at 1:30am. =) Thank you Vince Gilligan for "Paper Hearts" scripts-The Six Philes of Separation, thank you John Shiban for "S.R. 819", "Monday", and "The Pine Bluff Variant"- Cassie,and Kristi, thank you Frank Spotnitz for "Detour"-Kristi.
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INT. MULDER'S APARTMENT - 4:20 A.M.
THURSDAY, 9 SEPTEMBER 1999
We see Mulder's hand reach for the phone... he
needs a ride to the grocery store. He calls Krycek.
I need a ride.
Do you have any idea
what time it is?!
Mulder looks confused. He hasn't looked at the
time yet. He woke up hungry and thought he needed food... his car
broke down from a slashed tire...
INT. KRYCEK'S BEDROOM
TIGHT ANGLE ON KRYCEK
We see his messy hair... he does sleep... speaking
into the phone...
It's almost 4:30 in the morning.
INT. MULDER'S APPARTMENT
TIGHT ANGLE ON MULDER
He is now sitting up in bed... no shirt on...
My watch says it's 10 am...
Oh. My. God.
Is your watch on ...
(off Krycek's beat)
What? Who cares what time it is.
I need my Lucky Charms.
Mulder stands up and turns on his light ... he
is squinting with his beautiful hazel eyes ... the light is bright for a
rainy morning. We hear a low rumble of thunder ... he looks out the
window ... a storm is coming.
Looks like you're gonna
have to come get me.
(nuh-uh no way!)
Someone slashed my tires (beat)
You're gonna have to pick me up.
I live in the apartment
next to yours.
Right. (beat) Just hurry up then.
Help me Obi-Wan Ke-Krycek,
you're my only hope.
The first thing we hear is pouring rain and thunder. Lightning flashes.
INT. HAPPY GILLIGAN'S GROCERIES - 5:00 A.M.
We see... The Cashier Man... Bob... he is spacing
out. He's a teenager, short, red hair, he is wearing an apron that
says in big cerulean blue letters "Happy Gilligan's Employee".
POV OF BOB
Mulder and Krycek running through the rain because
Krycek parked far away... on purpose. Little did he know that he would
have to go inside the grocery store because Mulder doesn't have any money...
The door to Happy Gilligan's flies open. Mulder is wet and is wearing
The Awesome Leather Jacket... Krycek takes his hood off... he glares
at Mulder. Poor Bob has to say something to them...
Welcome to Happy Gilligan's.
How may I help you?
Mulder looks at him... he is desperate for his
(pointing, making no attempt to move)
Mulder grabs Krycek's arm ... the prosthetic
one? (we'll use Krycek's prosthetic arm when it suits the humor of our series, otherwise, he has both arms) ... and drags him to the cereal section ... Krycek rolls his eyes.
Mulder reminds us of a little boy on a mission to find the toy at the bottom of a cereal box.
Where is it?!
How about Cheerios?
Mulder looks at Krycek as if he were the insane
one! And starts to violently rummage through the cereal boxes ...
there is one "Lucky Charms" box ... and it has expired past
it's freshness date. Mulder holds the box out in front of him, as
if he has conquered the world. Off his proud look ....
Krycek starts to walk towards the register ...
with the fresh box of Cheerios. Mulder pissed off, starts running
towards him ... drawing his gun.
Off this, Mulder starts to randomly shoot his
gun towards Krycek ... missing, but he doesn't miss all of the other
cereal boxes. Cereal is flying everywhere, Krycek is dodging this bout of
insanity. Mulder accidentally drops the box of "Lucky Charms",
Krycek pulls out his gun and shoots the box of stale "Lucky Charms".
Mulder doesn't notice yet. After a few scary moments of Mulder shooting
his gun and continuously screaming "NO-OOOOOOO!", his gun
runs out of bullets, and he keeps shooting: click, click, click. Realizing there are probably
two or three boxes of cereal left, he turns around to find his "Lucky
Charms", but only to find scattered wrecks of it mixed in with
Cheerios, Chex, Oatmeal, Trix (are for kids!), etc, etc. Off his pained look ...
Like I said.
What happened to my
It didn't survive
your rampage ...
I accidentally shot it
What are you getting?
But, I don't like bees.
(making fun of Mulder and
near kiss with Scully last summer)
But Scully does.
What do you mean by that?!
Krycek calmly, as if nothing just happened with
weapons, and an argument over cereal, walks towards Bob, to pay for
his Cheerios. Poor Mulder will have to live with that until he finds
the end of his rainbow. After Krycek hands Bob the money, Mulder and
Krycek run back to the car, leaving Bob with a horrible, terrible, awful mess of cereal in the cereal aisle.
But Bob, being the lazy person that he is, looks at the mess, unties
his apron, and walks out of HAPPY GILLIGAN'S GROCERIES.
With this we